All of them, those in power, and those who want the power, would pamper us, if we agreed to overlook their crookedness by wilfully restricting our activities.
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by Paulette Cooper more
Part 19: Betrayal by Jerry, etc.
In late September, when the ordeal of a trial seemed inevitable (it was scheduled for October 31st, 1973), something made me look up my cancelled checks of the previous year. When I first saw that check I thought nothing of it, but as my eye caught the date, I froze.
I had totally forgotten about that whole visit — and now I remembered something else about her. She had never removed her coat or gloves in the half hour she sat in my sweltering apartment. And Joy remembered that also when I called then to ask if she remembered Margery. [97-4]
My lawyers were very excited when I called them with the discovery and told me to immediately go through lists of Scientologists, because it would be most helpful (to say the least) if we could prove that someone who might know the complainant (Meisler) [addendum 1997: the Scientology PR man who had claimed to have received the bomb threats and named me as a likely suspect] had been in my apartment the night before the first bomb threat was mailed.
I was going through John Seffern's [97-1] lists with no luck on Margie when I almost fell over. There, among a list of high ranking Scientologists was the name '"Jerry Levin" — the same man who had been living in my apartment for at least six months.
I simply did not want to believe it. Barbara [addendum 1997: my best friend, a writer who lived in the building] and I confronted Jerry with it, but he rightly pointed out that it was a common name, especially in New York, and he turned on me. After all he had done for me, how could I accuse him of being a Scientologist?
He almost completely convinced me that I had gone so crazy that I was now suspicious of everyone. I ended up feeling guilty for doubting and accusing him, even more so when he left shortly thereafter.
This strong suspicion of betrayal [97-2] added to my bad mental state, as did the fact that once he left I was alone. If I was wrong, then I had self-destructively driven away someone I could have leaned on during the trial. (Indeed, Jerry had offered to be a character witness for me at the trial, and I cringe now when I think of the scenario if that had happened!)
Almost everyone was gone. Bob [addendum 1997: my boyfriend] had left me completely around August, after he had come over one evening and I had been too depressed to even fix myself up or clean the place before his arrival. Paula [97-3] was gone. Jerry was gone. Most of my friends avoided me because I was hardly a cheerful companion.