All of them, those in power, and those who want the power, would pamper us, if we agreed to overlook their crookedness by wilfully restricting our activities.
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By Michael Pattinson
Pattinson's Experiences with Scientology - Part 1
After the incident with Marty Rathbun I was put on a program to study ALL of LRH's writings about God, "Supreme Being", infinity... I was assisted by a staff member and we went through all of it in a very short time. There is such sparse Hubbard writing on God that it was not a long job. It amounted to a few short pages in total out of the huge Hubbard volumes and volumes of "Tech". He says almost nothing about God, as his focus was the "technology" and he was claiming himself as "Source". One of the greatest Hubbard revelations, seriously, about God, or the Infinite is that "the number 8, turned on its side, is the infinity symbol! Wow!!!! It simply confirmed to me that Scientology was NOT going to help me finding out "who I am"! The only beingness that was, apparently, permissible as a Scientologist was "slave to L. Ron Hubbard and Int. Management."
From December 1996 to May 1997 I stayed in Clearwater, Florida and did the best I could at coming to terms with what was happening. I still did not realize that "Standard LRH Tech" would not only fail to solve the injustices and hardships I had been through since finishing OT8 but was the REASON for them! When I saw the OSA checksheet posted so recently by Caroline Letkeman I suddenly saw the missing piece of the puzzle.
I had been targeted for obliteration in 1991 and later by the standard LRH tech of OSA! This was the LRH tech of warfare. For me, I truly feel that this is tantamount to attempted murder.
I was being "handled" still, but on a less frequent basis by Mary Voegeding, who was also dealing with the celebrity visitors to Flag Land Base like Kirstie Alley, Lisa Marie Presley, etc. Mary had said she would try to get a resolution of the problems I was having, but no result came. It turns out that she really only wanted to get data on how I was doing to see if I would be a public relations or legal threat. She later married Ben Shaw, head of OSA Clearwater. I had been wrong to trust her.
I was studying books I preferred to read (non-Scientology books) and was enjoying a very refreshing atmosphere away from the level of group contact I had had before the Rathbun "de-programming" attempt. I grew increasingly distant from Flag, from other Scientologists and from Mary Voegeding. In spring of 1997 I was watching a video of a recent Flag event in her office and realised that the spell was broken. Mr. Miscavige was no longer any kind of icon, idol or even impressive at his PR for me. He was making me want to throw up in disgust. I had written to him and asked him to resolve the whole injustice mess, but his reply was, basically, that he would not be disciplining any staff members on my account. From then on he was "gone" as a leader as far as I was concerned.
The last phone conversation I had with Mary Voegeding was in spring 1997 when she wanted me to come in for a "handling" on a failed ethics cycle (I was getting thoroughly sick of being blamed for the crimes and errors of staff members who were brainwashed into stupidity) and I refused. She then said to me that the recent "write-up" I had done as part of the ethics cycle "just might come out publicly". It was a form of blackmail, pure and simple. I hung up and decided to have nothing more to do with her. I just could NOT understand the anomalies I had been subjected to; nothing made sense in the light of the "internal" Scientology data and experiences I had had. It was dismaying.
I decided to take my life back into my own hands. I looked at my options and made some decisions, which, in retrospect, were excellent decisions. I decided to go to the Clearwater Police Department and file a complaint. I was well received, questioned for some hours (all recorded) and felt better. A few days later 2 police officers came to see me at my house to finish the questioning and complete their report. When they were leaving my apartment I said; "you have left something of yours on the couch"....a thick document. They just said, oh, that's not ours, it is yours...." Mystified, I went to see what it was, and it was a pile of photocopies of Bent Corydon's book "Bare-Faced Messiah". I thank them sincerely to this day for that! THANK YOU!! I read the whole book within 2 days! It was AMAZING. It answered so many questions I had had, and many more Scientology anomalies made sense!! I had been denied vital information on a HUGE scale while a Scientologist. I loved the book, loved the relief from the LIES I had been told while an active member and mentally thanked Bent Corydon (who I had known personally) from the bottom of my heart.
Clearwater was no longer a place of welcome for me with all the injustice, mess and confusion that the cult had thrust into my life. I wanted a nicer environment, so arranged to move to California. Los Angeles is where I wanted to be to further my career. I still maintained contact with some friends in Scientology and was still "hopeful" of some kind of resolution. I moved to Los Angeles in June of 1997. (P.S.: no criminal case was enacted on my account in the end by the police department, mostly due to my mistake of covering for Hy and Cosima in my faxes).
I put my stuff in storage and stayed at a friend of a Florida friend's house (in a very tiny room) for a few months. We got along very well as she was a non-Scientologist and very friendly to me; a very nice lady. I was "amazed" that a "wog" could be actually doing well in life. That may seem really either funny or condescending, but it is true. In Scientology we were constantly taught that anyone NOT using Hubbard tech was doomed to failure and oblivion, so were virtually valueless as people unless they became Scientologists. it was one of many "eye-openers" I was to get.
WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED FROM HINDSIGHT:
1. Scientology did not care if I lived or died. When I stopped paying in money due to the financial chaos caused by OSA I was from that point a "non-entity" for staff gross income statistics. I was also asking for help, but not paying, so became a "nuisance". I was also writing negative reports about staff members who WERE STILL BRINGING IN MONIES so became a pariah. I was still actively gay after OT8, so became a huge and unwanted embarrassment.
2. I was targeted for obliteration by OSA.
3. The Police were a refuge from the chaos of the cult.
4. The books written by ex-members like Bent Corydon's "Bare-Faced Messiah", Jon Atack's "A Piece of Blue Sky" (superb!!), and the book; "L. Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman?" are very therapeutic for a member who is leaving the clutches of the cult. I enjoyed them immensely for the truths they give out to blast away the lies of OSA.