As I wrote earlier, I got sucked into Scientology in 1995. Over the years I was badgered into signing several Sea Org contracts, but then a crazy cycle of setting a completely unreal arrival date would ensue, and I would be left feeling like I had committed some "overt", and go into the self-invalidation thing. I was told to "be OT". I'm sure this is a familiar cycle to many of you.

In 2002 I was brainwashed enough to sell my practice and move to Clearwater to go full time "up the bridge". That fall, they got me going again by telling me that they were buying a small plane and needed a pilot. I thought, THIS is the kind of game I would love! I can "save the planet" etc etc. Well, of course, I wanted that in writing, and it wasn't happening. The terminal involved, who was supposedly quite high on the org board, simply could not understand finance or airplane data. So, again, I dropped it.

In 2003, I met my husband on a Scientology dating website. He is also a pilot, and was and "old" OT VIII. He had been in the SO briefly when he was much younger, so for a while the recruiters left us alone.

In February of 2005, I went in for my "six month check". The recruiter got talking to my husband and he said he had taken LSD. She suggested that he read the "policy" on this and see if he really did take it or not (how ridiculous—a person knows if he took LSD or not!), and he thought maybe he didn't after all, so "meter checks" were done. He was then told that he didn't, and we started getting the heavy-duty reg cycle to join again. (He did take LSD) Well, by now, I was pretty heavily indoctrinated, so I decided that I really COULD "confront" joining the SO, despite the many outpoints I had observed as public. I was told that I could take my cats, and that they could be indoor cats, as I didn't want them outside running around. I got a written "CSW" from the Sr. HAS FLB, a little girl named Jasmine, who seemed (at the time) very uptone and into the "spirit of play".

One of my big stops before was the fact that I wasn't allowed to see the berthing. They showed pictures (all lies). Well, with cats, I had to know it would be a liveable solution (for those of you who don't know, I am a feline veterinarian by profession.) I was told I had to arrange for the cats to be somewhere else during the EPF. (After being there, I can assure you, that once you are "caught" you'll never get out to get them.) So, we decided my husband would do the EPF first, then fix up a room for the cats, then he would have them there and I would do the EPF. We set a target date of December 31 of 2005.

More and more lies started coming our way. We were told that we would always have days off together. That every Saturday morning was free time. That all food, vitamins, etc was taken care of, and any medical care or dental care would be paid for by the SO. I was concerned because I had seen SO members disappear and was told that "his wife got ill". I thought, why would they leave, and where would they go? Wouldn't they be considered valuable members and get the best of care? I was assured that they were getting great care at some "home". We were told that there's an exercise facility at the Hacienda, and there's a pool. Staff gets 3 weeks off a year, you know, to go wherever they want. Etc etc. The recruiter, Brenda, told me the EPF would last 4-5 days.

So, then they started getting the big guns out. The CO, ol' Debbie, came and met with us. She told me that my husband was needed on the TTC before the end of March. This was completely unreal to me. I was actually getting the flu or something that night, & felt sick, so I was quite rude to her. I told her that I didn't want to be somebody's stat. She said she had plenty of good stats and didn't need us! She called me an "amazon woman". Just wait, Debbie, I'm just getting going!

To make a very long story shorter, I'll just say that Sam Scelza started following Mike around, practically moved into the house. We finally relented, he quit his job, and went into the EPF. His EPF lasted 7 days. We had a lot of debt, and some pretty squirrely handlings were suggested. I got very upset by this whole thing. Of course, I was thrown into session. My "six month check" which usually lasted about 5 days, went on for almost 2 months.

So, Mike finished the EPF, then he had been told he could help me handle the rest of the cycles. So he came back home. We started selling our stuff, you know the drill. I found homes for 2 of my cats that I knew could not deal with living in one room. He was now officially a "Sea Org " member, so he could see the rooms. A "large" room with a porch was vacated for us. Mike told me it was horrible. There were termites, cockroaches, nasty stinking carpet, a hole in the bathroom wall, an old dishwasher that didn't work; a bare light bulb hung in the kitchen. We had permission to fix up the room any way we wanted, at our expense, of course. Another SO member, Sonia Rodriquez, may she rot in hell (she's there already), who is the "ESTO I/C", had helped recruit me. She asked Mike to tile her room too. So, he busted his butt to tile 2 bedrooms, the bathroom, the kitchen, and part of the common area. He put in a new toilet, bought some light fixtures, got rid of the old dishwasher, and actually made it look pretty decent. Still had the cockroaches & termites, though. He screened our porch and put in a cat door for my cats. We spent about 2 grand on all this. (For those who don't know, at the Hacienda, 4 married couples share a floor, which has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.)

So, finally, I routed into the EPF, and a few days later he moved the cats into the Hacienda. We took our own furniture as well.

At first, the EPF seemed like a game. I was told to wear a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I didn't own a pair of sneakers that was comfortable, so I had to go buy some. I was told there were plenty of clothes, and the "uniforms" would be provided. This was another lie. There were no jeans that fit me at all. The shirts were pretty beat up. We got yelled at for having stains on the shirts, but that's what they gave us. At first, I was put into a room with only one other person. This wasn't too bad. I was supposed to be auditing on OT VII. I was told that provisions would be made for me to do that. Guess again! The EPF I/C said that I would have to work it out, that there wasn't a place, or time, etc. I did manage to get a room, but often they would lock it up so I couldn't get in. It was a room in the nasty old staff collge. So downstat! The public gets beautiful courserooms, the staff gets a shithole. After the first week, I pretty much just fell asleep in there when I tried to audit. I had to buy protein bars just to keep from starving. And, of course, there were no vitamins. We had to get out laundry done, somehow, but we were forced to go to bed by a certain time. But of course, the laundry had to be done. At first we had a guy who did it. Then he left. For a while, another person had to do it. We had to PAY to have our laundry done!!!!!! Not only are you a slave, you PAY to be one!!! The rest of the time, we would have to stay up or get up really early to get our clothes washed. At the QI, just like the Hacienda, there aren't enough machines, so you have to fight over them and wait until there is one. The dog-eat-dog attitude in the SO is unreal. All this, of course, causes sleep deprivation, which is the hallmark of brainwashing organizations.

My roommate "finished" and I had a room to myself. This slipped by for a few days, then I was ordered to move next door, with 5 other women. There were many empty rooms. But, they wanted us to have to fight over a shower and be crowded in together. So, 2 of us had to sleep on the floor, in pull out beds, while there were plenty of rooms available.

So, I finished the courses in 4 days. I fully expected to complete. The EPF I/C would lie to me and say "tomorrow". This went on for a while. I thought, they're fucking with me. Then I would think, they wouldn't do that, would they? But, it was too obvious. The MEST work was usually made up stuff, just to see if we would do it. For example, one day, they sent me and a new Italian recruit, who was going into the TTC, and had probably never done any hard MEST work in her life, to move large pieces of plywood from under the spiral of the parking garage, into a little room just off the entry to the parking garage. There were rats and spiders in there. She would just be in tears but kept on going.

Later I was sent out to Sherwood Gardens to work on the grounds. This actually was fun, as I like doing work on plants. The first few days, the poor little Italian girl, and a girl from England were sent with me. They were both very white and hadn't been in the sun much. I suggested that they use sunscreen but they didn't have any. I made sure we had LOTS of water, and at the time I still believed LRH's bullshit about salt & potassium, so I brought my own & gave it to them. They both got FRIED. The Italian girl was blistered and crying. She had to stay at the QI the next day. The EPF I/C just laughed. He was annoyed, I think, because I didn't get burned, and I love the outdoors. The bad thing when we were there was that we didn't get to go back to eat, they brought food out (sooner or later). It was usually cold nasty eggs with some kind of sausage pieces, or cold pancakes, very soggy (high protein there).

They told me they had just bought Sherwood Gardens. It was full of drug dealers, gays, losers of all types, and in very bad shape. I recently found out they have owned it for years. I saw drug deals going down. They said that the leases hadn't expired, or they would throw those people out. All lies.

Then I found out I wouldn't really be able to drive my car without "car school", a very suppressive course full of things that are hard for most people to understand. In it LRH tells you how to wash a car—like he knows!! But of course, we all just buy it. I, by then, just wanted to get through it, because I was GOING to be able to drive. I finished it pretty fast. They try to tell you you can't do it until you finish some other very long bullshit courses like "FLB Basic Hat". I said bullshit, I'm doing this.

During this EPF period, I hardly saw my husband. I was there for 3 weeks, but it seemed like eternity. I was jerked around unbelievably. I kept asking the EPF I/C why I wasn't allowed to finish. He told me all kinds of lies. Once he told me I "wasn't third dynamically oriented". Sam Scelza came in one night, late, and told me that it was a problem to bring the cats. I blew up. I said, then get me the hell out of here! So later, sweet little Sonia came and told me that I just had all the wrong reactions to be a Sea Org member—I should have said, "how can we as a group solve this?" Her suggestion was to pretend I was giving her half my cats. So I "agreed" to this. After the first 5-6 days in the EPF, I knew it was mind-fuck. But, realize, I was there, a prisoner, BEING mind-fucked. The EPF I/C would tell me my completion was on the line, he would know at 8 PM. 8 PM would come & go. I'd ask him and he would yell at me. This went on & on. Finally one day I just lost it. I stood about 2 inches from his face and just screamed back at him. I told him that I didn't believe that LRH wanted a bunch of pansy slaves for SO members (how wrong I was!). I was afraid that if I left, I'd never see my husband or my cats again, so I figured, grit your teeth, get through it no matter what, and then resolve it.

One time a "fitness board" was scheduled so I could finish. The EPF I/C didn't show up with the folders. Again, intentional. So, it had to be rescheduled for the next week. I was furious.

The day finally came that I was "allowed" to go to the Hacienda. My car battery was dead. I found someone to jump it for me. Then, the security guard would not let me out. I had to go back and get a written note to allow me to drive my own car!!!

So, I got there. My husband was in isolation for a cold (but—clears don't GET colds, do they???). My cats' litter boxes were filthy, as he hadn't been there for a day or 2. Ol' Sonia had promised to take care of them. It was a mess in there! Mike wasn't given time to unpack our stuff. So I spent my "day off" that I got for finishing the EPF, cleaning the room.

I'll continue later.