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6. A few months after joining the
Sea Organization I realized I needed to re-order the
medication I was on for Epilepsy. I was routed to a
person they called the Medical Liaison Officer, or
the MLO. This was a young man I was told was
studying nutrition. He had no actual medical
training that I knew of. He informed me that I needed to get off of my medication,
and that he would write out a program to get off of
it. In Scientology if you have ANY illness it is
considered there is something wrong with you, not
just physically, but that this is a very bad thing,
caused by you being connected to someone who is
suppressive to you. At least that was the beginning
pitch I heard.
9. Finally one morning in the shower I knocked my front teeth out during a Grand
Mal seizure. All during this time my mother was begging me to go back on
all of my medication. Being new in Scientology, I
assured her Dianetics and Scientology would handle
this. Finally, after so many seizures and so much
trauma, I realized no matter what these people
thought, I wasn't going to live if I kept doing
this. At that point I decided to go back on my
medication in full, no matter what.
19. After attesting to OT 3, I once again tried to get off of my medication, only to
end up in a hospital with status epileptus, or many seizures. I finally went back on
all medication, and have stayed on it, and have
never had a seizure since.
Christman is a former member of the Church of
Scientology. She left the organization in 2000,
after being a member for about 30 years and is now
one of its most visible and high-profile critics,
having appeared on CNN, NPR and in the LA Times,
and many other media outlets.
In this discussion
with D.J. Grothe, Christman recounts her experiences
in Scientology, as well as her views about the
church's practices with current and former members.
She describes her participation in the church's
anti-free-speech activities on the internet in the
1990's, and her views on the group Anonymous, a new
web-based organization that seeks to respond to
Scientology's activities. She explores some of the
doctrines and beliefs of Scientology, including the
church's views on medical science and psychiatry,
auditing, Xenu, becoming a "clear," and e-meters.
She also stresses the important role of science and
critical thinking in confronting the challenges
Scientology may bring to its detractors and
What words can you say to someone who had helped
save your life? There really aren't words deep
enough that I know of to express the gratitude I
feel. What words can you say to someone who helped
you view your new situation with a new and better
view? What words can I say to tell each of you that
your kindness, and support, and love — from not only
critics, and ex-Scientologists, but Scientologists,
and many people who have NOTHING to do with this, at
all, but write me periodically, telling me they've
followed my story, and thank me for my courage.
This web site is dedicated to all of the many
critics who have spent years helping to expose the abuses of the
organization known as the Church of Scientology and to those who
have helped people wake up and see the light.
Also, I'd like to dedicate this to my friends who are still
trapped "In", who have yet to discover their courage to leave
and/or speak out about Scientology.
Lastly, to my father, Paul Christman, (the original Magoo!)
who's legacy helped me discover my own courage, and begin the
long road out of Scientology... to true freedom. —Tory (Bezazian) Christman
Tory Christman (former married name
Tory Bezazian; online name "Magoo") born 1947, is a
former member of the
Church of Scientology who left the organization in 2000,
after being a member about three decades. She is now
one of its most visible and high-profile critics,
making frequent media appearances.
Anyways, I spent years trying to
get off of the medications I needed, unsuccessfully.
I went back on the medications I needed, as my
Mother had pointed out, "No, Dianetics won't fix it!
Tory, they're going to KILL you!" I had fallen in
the shower and broke my front teeth, and was losing
my memory daily. Finally I agreed to return to
taking my medications. I spent years and years and
years being looked down on, Just as Tom did the
other day, by Scientologists who thought they knew
Before that night, I had decided this was getting
WAY too weird, and I asked Bill: Isn't this going to be
obvious this IS Church of Scientology doing this? I
didn't know much about what they were actually
doing with all of this, (as he wouldn't tell me for my
"Protection"), but I'd watched him create phony
identities for years, and lie to people on
and possibly OC.
His response? "Oh no: we're spamming tons of other
places on the Net, so they won't be able to tell it's us
(Scientology/OSA) doing it".
Having lived within the Scientology
community, as part of the organization that calls
itself, "The Church of Scientology" for 30 years,
and then having woken up and left, I would now like
to present some major contradictions from my own
Even as Scientology comes under assault from outside
forces, it is also, say former members, bleeding
from within. "I see more and more people leaving and
willing to speak," says Tory Christman,
who worked in the Office of Special Affairs for 20
years and says she spent more than $200,000 on
Scientology courses before dropping out in 2000.
Christman left—or "blew," in Scientology
parlance—because she has epilepsy and wasn't
permitted to take medication for it; psychiatric and
neurological drugs are a serious no-no. But after
two decades of working her way up the Bridge, she
was forced to confront the fact that even L. Ron
Hubbard could not cure epilepsy. [...]
have to tell YOU about L.Ron Hubbard, his book Dianetics,
and the religion it spawned—Scientology. In fact, until just
recently, most media outlets WOULDN'T tell you about it
given Scientology's well-deserved reputation for litigation.
Instead, let us tell you about Tory Bezazian.
In 1969 Tory
hitchhiked from Chicago to L.A. to become a disciple of
Dianetics. She invested untold tens of thousands of
hours and dollars in it (the annual price tag for a
membership in the International Association of
Scientologists is a cool $1 million at the Gold Patron
Meritorious level). In time, she rose to the level of OT
VII, Scientology's second highest rank. But she couldn't
cross "The Bridge" to OT VIII and become "clear" because
Scientology's all-powerful "auditors" said the evil alien
thetas still clung to her body. Oh yeah, and she had
Still, Tory joined the Scientology Parishioners League
(sort of a Scientology Anti-Defamation League) where she
spearheaded ferocious attacks against any imagined media
slight of L. Ron or Dianetics. She became the
indefatigable "Magoo," nemesis of the Internet newsgroups
Eventually, Tory was an ordained "minister" and worked as
a trainer of new Scientology initiates, like John Travolta.
«[...] "Andy, I cannot tell you how devastated I
am. I am sitting here crying. I cannot stop crying. No one will
meet with me, Andy...I have been a Scientologist since I was 19
years old....I am not sure what to do. All of my friends,
everyone I know -- everyone -- is a Scientologist...So the
minute I say I am out of the church, my life is over...I love my
friends, and the very thought that tomorrow they cannot speak to
me, ever again, is just too much for my soul."
It was obvious to them both: As soon as Bezazian admitted her
doubts, the Church of Scientology would instruct parishioners to
"disconnect" from her. Heldal-Lund knew it would be a
devastating experience. He tried to give her encouragement.
[...] Early 2000 an anonymous poster called Magoo joined ARS and started posting thousands of more or less
off-topic messages, talking about "us" and something called "lie
therapy". Most of it sounded too strange for me so I ignored it
in the beginning. Magoo created a lot of hubbub on the group
back then. After a while I got interested in the person/persons
behind the nick and Magoo and I started talking on the newsgroup
and continued by e-mail. To her I was The Devil because I had
this site and
she had reported me to OSA who replied that they were working on
closing me down. After a while Magoo started telling more and
more and one day she told her real name (at that time Tory
Bezazian, now Tory Christman) and that she had been a
Scientologist for 30 years. She was obviously struggling with
her conviction and desperately needed someone to talk to. [...]
- Andreas Heldal-Lund, Webmaster Operation Clambake.
The tears from this family............... I
cannot write about, as I begin crying just remembering their
deep pain, and to this day the deep pain they feel, as I'm
sure each family who has lost their child (I now know 6
Scientology families where their child took their life — I
believe due to Disconnection).
«I suddenly asked one man, "Did you ever see the
movie, 'The Truman Show'? He looked like a light bulb came on: "Ohhhhhh yes!" I
said, "Exactly! When you're 'in' Scientology, you literally cannot see