Catarina Sandström Pamnell

My Scientology life - A new way to look at life, that acknowledges the spiritual dimensions of existance, while still not demanding blind faith from followers. Practical, useful methods that can successfully help people find a happier life. Statements like these attracted me into joining Scientology. But behind the pretty front I encountered a fascist ideology, greed for money and power, uniformed 'elite troops', forced labor camps, members who gradually seemed to lose their normal human emotions...

Declaration of Warren McShane in RTC vs. Panoussis - Did you hear about the 'secret' levels of Scientology that have been spread on the internet, the stories of space ruler Xenu and space alien spirits haunting us all? Want to know if they really are the true teachings of the Church of Scientology? Check out what one of the top men in Scientology hierarchy has to say about it.

Xenu Illustrated - The 'secret' levels too long and boring to read? Don't despair, here's the cartoon.

Involvement in Scientology may also bring large consequences for the individual. Most of those I saw joining were pretty normal, intelligent, decent people, who only wanted to do something to improve themselves and the world. They didn't realize that they were stepping into a nightmare world of deceit, greed, manipulation and world domination schemes, where some people get badly hurt. The Scientology organisations do NOT tell you the whole truth about their actual beliefs, goals and activities! Inform yourself - their next recruit could be your own child, brother, sister, partner, friend...

By 1983, two years after reading my first Hubbard book, I had gone from a reasonably well-ordered life (steady job, friends, money in the bank, no drug or psychiatric problems, etc.) to a complete mess. I had quit my office job, and worked in the local Scientology organisation in Stockholm, Sweden, for 'wages' of around $10-15 a week. My money was all gone after paying over $10,000 for their courses. I had nowhere to live, as the person I had been renting a room from got kicked out of Scientology, which meant that other Scientologists were not allowed any contact with her. The organization's Ethics Officer told me I had to move out within 24 hours. I didn't eat or sleep much, had practically no contact anymore with my family and former friends, and was becoming increasingly depressed and unstable. So why didn't I just quit? By then, I had begun to accept the view that if any Scientology methods didn't work out very well for me, it was solely due to my own shortcomings.

One night I was told that I was going to be thrown out of Scientology and declared a 'Suppressive Person' - somebody who is an enemy of Scientology and humankind. This happened to several people on the DPF. It would mean getting out of that basement, but I just couldn't imagine life outside anymore. All I knew was that my eternal future was lost. Somebody who has been declared 'SP' is not allowed to have any further contact with scientologists, and may not do the courses that are supposed to be necessary to save you as a spiritual being - it's equivalent to eternal condemnation. When they told me the next day that I could stay, I was immensely grateful. I thought my bosses were absolutely wonderful beings for saving me from the dark pit. (Why did they keep me on? According to a memo I've happened to see, I was in such a bad shape that they were afraid it would have caused Scientology a very embarrassing situation if I had gone back to my family in that state. To make Scientology look good is more important than anything else.)

After more than ten years, I decided to pick up on my education, to be able to get a better job. At college, I got access to the Internet on the student computers. Someone showed me how to use a search engine, and one day I got the idea to enter 'scientology', thinking the church might have some web site. To my surprise, the result was a loooong list of hits, and a closer look soon revealed that many of these sites were most certainly not approved by the church. There were critical stories from former members, some of whom had held high positions in the church hierarchy. There were horrifying tales of how Scientology was harassing critics, trying to stop them from speaking out. There was information about Hubbard's past that did not at all agree with the official story. And there were the 'secret levels', the ones I had been told contained the highest level of spiritual knowledge on this planet.

Some have asked me if I consider it the fault of Scientology that I myself ended up in psychological difficulties. I believe there is rarely one single cause for such situations, that earlier experiences and biological factors always make up part of the reason why you react the way you do in any given situation. But I also believe that a non-empathic, blaming, controlling environment like the one I encountered within the Scientology organization will never assist a person to get better in a crisis situation, and may make matters worse.
 
 Still, the whole experience has illuminated some vital points in life for me - the priceless value of compassion, humor, friendship, generosity and a humble attitude to life. The Church of Scientology ideals of grandiose, chilly, controlled, super-human perfection hold no attraction. Living like a robot really sucks.