Ben Weiner Clones Helena Kobrin

From bweiner@electron.rutgers.edu Fri Jul 28 15:55:22 BST 1995

straight@unity.ncsu.edu (Michael Straight) writes:

>David Futrelle   wrote:
>>P.S. This may not sound like much, but if you read it out loud all
>>indignant-like, it becomes IRONIC SOCIAL CRITICISM of the HIGHEST ORDER. 

>Actually, it only qualifies for the 17th order of Ironical Social 
>Critics.  To get to the 18th order, you have to read it without capital 
>letters.  I'm not even allowed to tell you what the highest order is.

>Boris Straight can't change his name attribution and doubts Dr. Eli is fooled.
>FLEOEVDETYHOEUPROEONREWMEILECSOFMOERSGTIRVAENRGEEARDSTVHIESBIITBTLHEEPSRIACYK
>Ethical Mirth Gas/"I'm chaste alright."/The Magical Shirt/"Hath grace limits?"
>"Halt this grimace!"/Chili Hamster Tag/The Gilt Charisma/"I gather this calm."


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Dear Boris d/b/a Michael Straight,

I represent the Resolution Trust Corporation (RTC (tm)), affiliated
with the Church of Ironic Social Criticism (CrISCo (tm)(sm)
(marca registrada)), the owner of the confidential Advanced
Blaflammery of the religion of Kibo, and the holder of exclusive
rights under the copyrights applicable to these Blaflammarious
materials.  Among these copyrighted, unpublished, trade secrets
secreted in Elron Stubbard's anus, and so amazingly secret, they don't
even exist, materials are certain Orders of Ironic Social Criticism.

It has come to my attention that you have posted descriptions of these
highly confidential and NOT AT ALL FUNNY Orders of Criticism onto
the Internet chatgroup notesfile conference BBSes:

    alt.tv.commercials,alt.religion.kibology,alt.politics.radical-left,
    alt.freemasonry,alt.gamera.is.friend.to.all.children

WITHOUT EVEN THE COURTESY OF SOME SMILIES GODDAMNIT !!!!
Oh, and in violation of our client's copyright and without authorization
and all that other yadda yadda.

These actions constitute violations of the United States Copyright laws,
the Uniform Commercial Code, "netiquette," and North Carolina local
ordinances restricting the practice of comedy without a license.
This entitles our client to damages, injunctions, impoundings, implosions,
explosion, and a letter from Ed McMahon informing us that we MAY HAVE 
ALREADY WON A MILLION DOLLARS !!! with coupons for discount magazine
subscriptions.  Unless, that is, you promise to remove your pants
when posting to Internet chatgroups in the future, and remove any copies 
of your pants which may be resident on the Internet at this time.

I will expect an immediate acknowledgment and response from you with
proof that you have satisfied these demands.  Especially the one
about the pants.  If you do not comply immediately, I expect I will 
have to call my boss and whine pitifully, "What do I do now?"

                                      Very insincerely yours,



                                      K. Helen Nibrok



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-- 
"We are all sons of bitches now."   --  Bainbridge to Oppenheimer, 7/16/45