(DJ: "Here's one for all you suppressives, wherever you are ...")

(Instrumental: opening bars of Madonna's "Material Girl")

Knights like Lieberman and Milgrim, fight to save my creed,
They say it's all in the law: "Do what thou wilt for greed".
You won't see me get off on such technicality (I'm free!)
Since my cult has all the bucks, the boys turn tricks for _me_.

'Cause we are living in a litigious world, and I am a litigious girl,
You know that we are living in a litigious world, and I am a litigious girl.

(Instrumental, with voiceover:)

	"My name?  Well you can call me whatever you want, sugar,
	but Davey calls me Cherry Pop-Tort."

Lawsuits, filings, legal threats -- I've got so much to do,
But I'll always drop my briefs for Sea Org boys in blue.
You won't see me strut my stuff for any old SP (oh, gee!)
Only clients who own the Tech heat up my cup O. T.,

And we are living in a litigious world, and I am a litigious girl,
You know that we are living in a litigious world, and I am a litigious girl.

(Instrumental, with quasi-orgasmic squeaks and a voiceover:)

	"Hey sailor, you wanna be a party?"

Wogs and geeks throughout the net are howling out my name (oh, fame!),
It's on chat, web sites, and news, and (whoops!) a RICO claim.
Maybe soon I'll join the Mox in co-conspiracy (oh, me!),
Barratry bought me the Bridge, but now they're after me;

'Cause everybody's living in a litigious world, and I am a litigious girl,
You know that we are living in a litigious world, and I am a litigious girl.

(DJ: "We'll be right back, after this word from Xenu's House O' Clams...")