David Sewell clones Helena Kobrin

An oracularity from dsewell@helium.gas.uug.arizona.edu (David Sewell)


The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> Most illustrated Oracle, the essence of whose bathwater I am not worthy 
> to perfume myself with, I ask of you:
> 
> How is it L. Ron Hubbard, creator of Scientology, can keep on writing 
> ten-volume meganovels of bad science fiction, fifteen years after he is 
> dead?  Does he have (ha ha!) a "ghostwriter"?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Date: Fri, 24 Apr 1995 09:20:04 -0800 (PST)
} From: Helena Kobrin 
} To: oracle@cs.indiana.edu (The Usenet Oracle)
} Subject: Notice of Intention to File Suit for Libel
} 
} Dear Mr. Oracle:
} 
}        I represent Religious Technology Center ("RTC"), the owner of the
} confidential Advanced Technology of the religion of Scientology, and the
} holder of exclusive rights under the copyrights applicable to the
} Advanced Technology materials.  Among these copyrighted and confidential
} materials are certain forthcoming novels in the genre commonly described
} as "science fiction", by the author L. Ron Hubbard.  Among them are the
} following titles: "Final Mission Earth Death", "Voyage of the Invaders
} Plan Death Quest Thetan Adventure", "Return to Final Voyage: Mission
} Earth Death Invaders Thetan Plan Quest II."  (This list in no way
} excludes any and all other possible forthcoming titles.)
}
}        We have been informed that you have received a communication,
} commonly known as an "Oracularity", which in part characterizes these
} and any other forthcoming works by Mr. Hubbard as "bad science
} fiction", and which furthermore suggests, implies, or otherwise
} raises substantial belief in the mind of the reader that Mr. Hubbard
} was not or will not in fact be the author of said works, and that Mr.
} Hubbard would be incapable of composing said works if he were deceased.
} Furthermore, we are informed that said communication is currently under
} consideration for posting on the Internet in the USENET newsgroup
} "rec.humor.oracle".
}
}        You are hereby notified that any such publication will constitute
} violations of the libel statutes of the State of Indiana, entitling our
} client to damages, an injunction, and impounding of materials and
} equipment used in perpetrating the infringing acts. It is essential that
} you take immediate and effective action to remove the unauthorized
} Oracularity from the Internet, and that you refrain from any repetition
} of this or similar acts in the future.
}
}        I will expect an immediate response from you with a statement of 
} your willingness to comply with these demands.  If you do not comply 
} immediately, I expect to be authorized to initiate legal action to compel 
} compliance.
} 
}                                               Very truly yours,
} 
}                                               Helena K. Kobrin