The Helena Kobrin Love Page


Troutman clones Helena Kobrin


From kkk@nutcom.duh Fri Aug 18 14:03:33 BST 1995

Dear alt.religion.scientology readers:

   I represent Ridiculous Technology Center ("RTC"), the owner
of the minds, bodies and actions of Scientologists everywhere,
and the holder of the exclusive rights under the copyrights 
applicable to anything that any Scientologist might do.  Among
these Scientologists is Robert Mucous, also known as "The
Masturbating Weasel".  The voluntarily signed papers of 
enslavement for this Scientologist are registered with the
United States Scientology office under No. THX-303-555-1212.

   I have been informed that many of you are in possession
of records, tapes, compact discs, and printed lyrics and
songsheets of a musical group known as "The Rolling Stones."
This group is in violation of the copyright of the Scientology-
Rock group of the same name, headlined by Robert Mucous.  Your
possession violates Mucous' legal rights in that you possess
unauthorized copies of songs, melodies and lyrics that Robert
Mucous was just about to write.  In addition, the process of
getting a Scientologist to perform any creative and vaguely
spontaneous activity is a valuable one to the Church and
constitutes a trade secret.  Your possession of evidence that
he was just about to be creative is a violation of this
trade secret.

   It is essential that you take immediate and effective action
to remove all unauthorized copies of this material from your home
and other storage areas you might own.  You are also to delete
these and any other songs from anywhere else you might have
saved, transcribed, stored, copied, imaged or otherwised preserved
them for posterity.

   Your use and enjoyment of these materials is *not* fair use.
I repeat, it is just *not* fair.  United States courts routinely
find that many people are guilty of copyright infringement; you,
therefore, are guilty as well.

   I will expect an immediate response from you with a frightened
and deferential statement of your willingness to comply with these
demands.  If you do not comply immediately, I will have no recourse.
                                      Sincerely,
                                      Kelen King Kobra

-- 

This fun, little interlude brought to you by,

Troutman, Defender of Sticks
troutman@teleport.com

"The above message was created for the purposes of satire.  It
in no way is intended to represent the actual speech or actions
of any real person."

"So, you know this is part two of a two-part joke, right?  Sticky
thought you would get it, but I just wanted to make sure.  If you
missed part 1, look for a Mucous-post."
                                - Richard D. Piskevinaugh