My personal "wake up call"

By Dr. Donna Shannon

The following were posted on the Operation Clambake Message Board. Below them I'll provide a link so you can read any comments Dr Donna got. For a background see the Scientology service completions list of her on .

I was a public Scientologist from 1995 until 2005, when I finally got beaten down enough to join the Sea Organization at FLAG. I was auditing on OT VII at the time. I realize now that it was the best thing I could have done, because waht I saw there caused me to leave. I'll never again have to spend my money on bogus cuses, like auditing or "helping clear the planet". As horrifying as my experience was, it did wake me up! And life goes on.

I'll start by just listing a few of the many outpoints I saw (I made my decision to leave based on WHAT I ACTUALLY SAW THERE, not the internet or anything else. As a "good Scientologist", I didn't pay any attention to "entheta". My purpose here is to share with others my own experiences, so that they don't need to spend over a million dollars, and join the SO, just to learn what I now know.)

1. The "tech" isn't applied to the staff at all. Examples of this- if PTSness causes all illnesses, and the tech exists to handle this, why do the staff get sick? And, why do they immediately get put into isolation if they get sick?

If auditing really works, and "OTs" are more powerful, why doesn't the staff get auditing? I was on OT VII, but sleep deprivation, lack of vitamins, low-protein diet, and lack of suitable available auditing rooms cut WAY down on my sessions. Eventually, I just gave up (and I was only there for 3 months!).

I was posted in the Solo NOTS HGC, as a Director of Processing. I immediately became concerned at seeing how many people who were "on OT VII" were not auditing (over 1/3). The other D's of P were not, except for one, who was allowed special hours and could drive her car to work. She occasionally got a session. The others didn't audit. The C/Ses didn't audit. The staff was not allowed to do six month checks. I thought, but if LRH says you have to be sessionable and get 8 hours sleep and eat protein and take certain vitamins and get your six month check, WHY isn't "standard tech" being followed?? The recruiters had told me that I would get all of the above-8 hours sleep, good food, vitamins provided, a room to audit in, etc. This was ALL LIES.

The Solo I/C finished OT VII, but hadn't gone to do OT VIII for months after. Why? If "going OT" is so desirable and important? Again, I was told that when I finished, I would be on the ship within 2 days to do OT VIII. Another lie.

2. The main method used to control the staff in the FSO is intimidation, threats, and invalidation.

I expected a very calm, sane environment there, where everyone was "OT" and helped each other and things got done. Guess again!! Not only does no one teach you how to do your post, they HINDER you- a good example of this is the fact that I was there for 2 months and STILL had no computer log in. I was supposed to be a D of P, and contact "my" public, but I had no log-in. No matter how many reports I wrote, it didn't happen. At first, I thought it was just incompetence. But, it isn't. It's INTENTIONAL.

I was told that my husband and I would always have the same schedule, that we could eat together, and have the same days off. Another lie. We had ONE day off together in the 3 months we were there.

The screaming, foul language, and invalidation, caused a general unease in the area that was so thick you could cut it with a knife. People in the SO have very low morale. They can't trust each other. They won't help each other. Once the Board I/C, Geary Titus, actually STOMPED on my feet when I was new, and trying to look at the availability of auditing rooms for my public to use. I was always being told "there aren't any rooms". Anything that can be done to impede your progress IS DONE.

This, then, caused me to question "What's really going on here?" Obviously, doing my job as a D of P isn't what's really supposed to happen. Otherwise, the "admin tech" would be applied, and the organization would be efficient, right?

Who's doing this screaming? The CO, the DCO, RTC, the senior D of P, the Solo I/C, and on ad infinitum. It appeared that the only way to get "to the top" would be to act like that. I saw right away that this wasn't for me.

3. I was told too many lies.

4. I saw that the public were ridiculed, to some extent. Thier sessions were videotaped, their overts and withholds publicly discussed in the HGC. This is contrary to the "priest/penitent confidentiality" that is supposedly there.

5. "Valuable" staff members, such as auditors, were treated like dirt.

There actually is a part of staff meeting where staff members can be held up to ridicule for any reason- the "It's got nothing to do with me" club. When I first saw this, I was astounded. A staff member that I knew well was put into this "downstat club". He was forced to stay an extra 2 hours after his usual day (so he could only get about 4 hours sleep, at best), to do "MEST work". I thought, why didn't they just apply the conditions?

6. The C/Ses only got about 4 hours of sleep, and sometimes were forced to stay up all night. These are the people who are "programming your case"!! They don't audit. They don't get refreshers. They aren't allowed to drive their cars, because one had a wreck when he was too tired to be driving.

7. The buses are overloaded and the drivers are sleep-deprived. The law is violated multiple times daily, as the capacity of the buses is written on a placque in the front of the bus. The buses run late, and there are not enough, but if you are late for your "post", boy, are you in trouble!

8. There are at least 3 people watching each staff member work- security guards, ethics officers, "inspections" officers, CMO, etc. If each staff member actually did something besides spy on other staff members, there might actually be production going on!

This is just the beginning- these are only a few of the outpoints I saw. And I have many many examples of each, that I saw with my own eyes.

There is an evil pall over the Hacienda. No one smiles. No one uses the pool or fitness center. They have no time. They have no energy. They are being kept in and spied on and prevented from leaving. Sure, you can have a car. But, did anyone tell you that you have to do CAR SCHOOL in order to drive it? And ahve a signed "CSW"? More about that later!

Posted on 27 Aug 2006 to Operation Clambake Forum


My husband and I both have experienced "Sea Org" nightmares. There were a lot at first, then seemed to die down. We both still occasionally have them.

Then, of course, there's the paranoia. Can't really trust anybody. Pretty great wins from all that auditing, isn't it!! And, what a deal--it only cost $1.2 million!!!

I found it disgusting when my "friends" called me and tried to get info for OSA. One pretended to be concerned about us and tried to find out where we were living, etc. I gave her misinformation (lies, actually- learned that very well on course!!). She then asked me if I drove the same car. Up until that point, I thought she was just being nosy- then I realized whe was sent by OSA!!! I've had several of these experiences. I just want these "friends" and any other "good Scientologists" to realize that YOU personally, could be responsible for another's death, defamation, harrassment, or whatever! Think about that, please. After all, all I did was THINK FOR MYSELF. And, after all, what's true is what's true for you, isn't that right???

Posted on 30 August 2006 to Operation Clambake Forum

Recruitment and the EPF

As I wrote earlier, I got sucked into $cientology in 1995. Over ther years I was badgered into signing several Sea Org contracts, but then a crazy cycle of setting a completely unreal arrival date would ensue, and I would be left feeling like I had committed some "overt" , and go into the self-invalidation thing. I was told to "be OT". I'm sure this is a familiar cycle to many of you.

In 2002 I was brainwashed enough to sell my practice and move to Clearwater to go full time "up the bridge". That fall, they got me going again by telling me that they were buying a small plane and needed a pilot. I thought, THIS is the kind of game I would love! I can "save the planet" etc etc. Well, of course, I wanted that in writing, and it wasn't happening. The terminal involved, who was supposedly quite high on the org board, simply could not understand finance or airplane data. So, again, I dropped it.

In 2003, I met my husband on a $cientology dating website. He is also a pilot, and was and "old" OT VIII. He had been in the SO briefly when he was much younger, so for a while the recruiters left us alone.

In February of 2005, I went in for my "six month check". The recruiter got talking to my husband and he said he had taken LSD. She suggested that he read the "policy" on this and see if he really did take it or not (how rediculous-a person knows if he took LSD or not!), and he thought maybe he didn't after all, so "meter checks" were done. He was then told that he didn't, and we started getting the heavy-duty reg cycle to join again. (He did take LSD) Well, by now, I was pretty heavily indoctrinated, so I decided that I really COULD "confront" joining the SO, despite the many outpoints I had observed as public. I was told that I could take my cats, and that they could be indoor cats, as I didn't want them outside running around. I got a written "CSW" from the Sr. HAS FLB, a little girl named Jasmine, who seemed (at the time) very uptone and into the "spirit of play".

One of my big stops before was the fact that I wasn't allowed to see the berthing. They showed pictures (all lies). Well, with cats, I had to know it would be a liveable solution (for those of you who don't know, I am a feline veterinarian by profession.) I was told I had to arrange for the cats to be somewhere else during the EPF. (After being there, I can assure you, that once you are "caught" you'll never get out to get them.) So, we decided my husband would do the EPF first, then fix up a room for the cats, then he would have them there and I would do the EPF. We set a target date of December 31 of 2005.

More and more lies started coming our way. We were told that we would always have days off together. That every Saturday morning was free time. That all food, vitamins, etc was taken care of, and any medical care or dental care would be paid for by the SO. I was concerned because I had seen SO members disappear and was told that "his wife fot ill". I thought, why would they leave, and where would they go? Wouldn't they be considered valuable members and get the best of care? I was assured that they were getting great care at some "home". We were told that there's an exercise facility at the Hacienda, and there's a pool. Staff gets 3 weeks off a year, you know, to go wherever they want. Etc etc. The recruiter, Brenda, told me the EPF would last 4-5 days.

So, then they started getting the big guns out. The CO, ol' Debbie, came and met with us. She told me that my husband was needed on the TTC before the end of March. This was completely unreal to me. I was actaully getting the flu or something that night, & felt sick, so I was quite rude to her. I told her that I didn't want to be somebody's stat. She said she had plenty of good stats and didn't need us! She called me an "amazon woman". Just wait, Debbie, I'm just getting going!

To make a very long story shorter, I'll just say that Sam Scelza started following Mike around, practically moved into the house. We finally relented, he quit his job, and went into the EPF. His EPF lasted 7 days. We had a lot of debt, and some pretty squirrely handlings were suggested. I got very upset by this whole thing. Of course, I was thrown into session. My "six month check" which usually lasted about 5 days, went on for almost 2 months.

So, Mike finished the EPF, then he had been told he could help me handle the rest of the cycles. So he came back home. We started selling our stuff, you know the drill. I found homes for 2 of my cats that I knew could not deal with living in one room. He was now officially a "Sea Org " member, so he could see the rooms. A "large" room with a porch was vacated for us. Mike told me it was horrible. There were termites, cockroaches, nasty stinking carpet, a hole in the bathroom wall, an old dishwasher that didn't work; a bare light bulb hung in the kitchen. We had permission to fix up the room any way we wanted, at our expense, of course. Another SO member, Sonia Rodriquez, may she rot in hell (she;s there already), who is the "ESTO I/C", had helped recruit me. She asked Mike to tile her room too. So, he busted his butt to tile 2 bedrooms, the bathroom, the kitchen, and part of the common area. He put in a new toilet, bought some light fixtures, got rid of the olf dishwasher, and actually made it look pretty decent. Still had the cockroaches & termites, though. He screened our porch and put in a cat door for my cats. We spent about 2 grand on all this. (For those who don't know, at the Hacienda, 4 married couples share a floor, which has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.)

So, finally, I routed into the EPF, and a few days later he moved the cats into the Hacienda. We took our own furniture as well.

At first, the EPF seemed like a game. I was told to wear a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I didn't own a pair of sneakers that was comfortable, so I had to go buy some. I was told there were plenty of clothes, and the "uniforms" would be provided. This was another lie. There were no jeans that fit me at all. The shirts were pretty beat up. We got yelled at for having stains on the shirts, but that's what they gave us. At first, I was put into a room with only one other person. This wasn't too bad. I was supposed to be auditing on OT VII. I was told that provisions would be made for me to do that. Guess again! The EPF I/C said that I would have to work it out, that there wasn't a place, or time, etc. I did manage to get a room, but often they would lock it up so I couldn't get in. It was a room in the nasty old staff collge. So downstat! The public gets beautiful courserooms, the staff gets a shithole. After the first week, I pretty much just fell asleep in there when I tried to audit. I had to buy protein bars just to keep from starving. And, of course, there were no vitamins. We had to get out laundry done, somehow, but we we forced to go to bed by a cretain time. But of course, the laundry had to be done. At first we had a guy who did it. Then he left. For a while, another person had to do it. We had to PAY to have our laundry done!!!!!! Not only are you a slave, you PAY to be one!!! The rest of the time, we would have to stay up or get up really early to get our clothes washed. At the QI, just like the Hacienda, there aren't enough machines, so you have to fight over them and wait until there is one. The dog-eat-dog attitude in the SO is unreal. All this, of course, causes sleep deprivation, which is the hallmark of brainwashing organizations.

My roommate "finished" and I had a room to myself. This slipped by for a few days, then I was ordered to move next door, with 5 other women. There were many empty rooms. But, they wanted us to have to fight over a shower and be crowded in together. So, 2 of us had to sleep on the floor, in pull out beds, while there were plenty of rooms available.

So, I finished the courses in 4 days. I fully expected to complete. The EPF I/C would lie to me and say "tomorrow". This went on for a while. I thought, they're fucking with me. Then I would think, they wouldn't do that, would they? But, it was too obvious. The MEST work was usually made up stuff, just to see if we would do it. For example, one day, they sent me and a new Italian recruit, who was going into the TTC, and had probably never done any hard MEST work in her life, to move large pieces of plywood from under the spiral of the parking garage, into a little room just off the entry to the parking garage. There were rats and spiders in there. She would just be in tears but kept on going.

Later I was sent out to Sherwood Gardens to work on the grounds. This actually was fun, as I like doing work on plants. The first few days, the poor little Italian girl, and a girl from England were sent with me. They were both very white and hadn't been in the sun much. I suggested that they use sunscreen but they didn't have any. I made sure we had LOTS of water, and at the time I still believed LRH's bullshit about salt & potassium, so I brought my own & gave it to them. They both got FRIED. The Italian girl was blistered and crying. She had to stay at the QI the next day. The EPF I/C just laughed. He was annoyed, I think, because I didn't get burned, and I love the outdoors. The bad thing when we were there was that we didn't get to go back to eat, they brought food out (sooner or later). It was usually cold nasty eggs with some kind of sausage pieces, or cold pancakes, very soggy (high protein there).

They told me they had just bought Sherwood Gardens. It was full of drug dealers, gays, losers of all types, and in very bad shape. I recently found out they have owned it for years. I saw drug deals going down. They said that the leases hadn't expired, or they would throw those people out. All lies.

Then I found out I wouln't really be able to drive my car without "car school". a very suppressive course full of things that are hard for most people to understand. In it LRH tells you how to wash a car- like he knows!! But of course, we all just buy it. I, by then, just wanted to get through it, because I was GOING to be able to drive. I finished it pretty fast. They try to tell you you can't do it until you finish soem other very long bullshit courses like "FLB Basic Hat". I said bullshit, I'm doing this.

During this EPF period, I hardly saw my husband. I was there for 3 weeks, but it seemd like eternity. I was jerked around unbelieveably. I kept asking the EPF I/C why I wasn't allowed to finish. He told me all kinds of lies. Once he told me I " wasn't third dynamically oriented". Sam Scelza came in one night, late, and told me that it was a problem to bring the cats. I blew up. I said, then get me the hell out of here! So later, sweet little Sonia came and told me that I just had all the wrong reactions to be a Sea Org member- I should have said, "how can we as a group solve this?" Her suggestion was to pretend I was giving her half my cats. So I "agreed" to this. After the first 5-6 days in the EPF, I knew it was mind-fuck. But, realize, I was there, a prisoner, BEING mind-fucked. The EPF I/C would tell me my completion was on the line, he would know at 8 PM. 8 PM would come & go. I'd ask him and he would yell at me. This went on & on. Finally one day I just lost it. I stood about 2 inches from his face and just screamed back at him. I told him that I didn't believe that LRH wanted a bunch of pansy slaves for SO members (how wrong I was!). I was afraid that if I left, I'd never see my husband or my cats again, so I figured, grit your teeth, get through it now matter what, and then resolve it.

One time a "fitness board" was scheduled so I could finish. The EPF I/C didn't show up with the folders. Again, intentional. So, it had to be rescheduled for the next week. I was furious.

The day finally came that I was "allowed" to go to the Hacienda. My car battery was dead. I found someone to jump it for me. Then, the security guard would not let me out. I had to go back and get a written note to allow me to drive my own car!!!

So, I got there. My husband was in isolation for a cold (but-clears don't GET colds, do they???). My cats' litterboxes were filthy, as he hadn't been there for a day or 2. Ol' Sonia had promised to take care of them. It was a mess in there! Mike wasn't given time to unpack our stuff. So I spent my "day off" that I got for finishing the EPF, cleaning the room.

I'll continue later.

Posted on 03 September 2006 to Operation Clambake Forum

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