| Diary of a dying Scientologist OT
By Ariane Jackson - 11 September 1996
This article contains excerpts from the diary of my ex-husband, ALBERT JAQUIER. These entries are from 1994, the last year of his life. He died on Dec 11, 1994. He was 59 years old when he wrote these entries. He had completed OT7, which promises to make a person "Cause over life", he had been in the Scientology cult for 14 years, and had given his fortune of several million dollars. He had a heart condition, was physically incapable of working, and had had a stroke at the end of 1992. Shortly before his death he told me he did not think he would live very long and made me promise I would make his experiences publicly known so that others would not have to suffer in the same way. The original entries are in French, which I have translated. My explanations of his shorthand, and identification of the names involved, are in parentheses. While reading this it should be borne in mind that the picture here is of a man who had been pushed way beyond the limits of what anyone should be asked to suffer. It would be a great disservice to his memory if I did not indicate that, prior to losing his health, Albert had worked, and he routinely worked 16 and 18 hour days, seven days a week. That was how he had gotten from being a junkyard laborer to a self-made millionaire pre-Scientology. If he had been physically capable of working he would have tried to recover from or prevent his financial ruin. He was a warm-hearted and generous man, the proof is he LOANED over $1,000,000 to 11 Scientologists, without collateral, on the recommendations of other Scientologists and, at the time of his death, only one of them had repaid him. The Scientologists who did not repay Albert, and the amounts he calculated they owed as of May 1994, are as follows:- Amount owed as of May '94 CHRISTIAN BOSIGER OT8 $ 33,940 JODY DARLING OT7,PATRON MERITORIOUS $304,564 CHRISTIAN DELALEZE, SEA ORG MEMBER $ 12,120 ? LABRE, CLEAR $ 9,131 ? PESCE $ 731 ? PICHON, CLEAR $ 41,587 CLAUDE-ANDRE QUENNOZ, CLEAR $ 32,859 RENALD RACINE, ON OT7 $ 8,891 HANS-KASPAR RHYNER, OT5, PATRON MERITORIOUS $344,028 GIGI TROGLIO, OT7 $ 46,062 (Here are his diary entries). December 27, 1993 The evening of the 25th,Party organised by Michele (daughter of Albert by his 1st wife) Ariane (me) and Alex (my husband), Cyril (Albert's son by his second marriage, a Scientologist who STOLE almost all of the estate of Albert after his death) and Alex(another Alex, a friend of Cyril). Jacinthe (former girlfriend of Albert) and Michele. Michael (Albert's and my son) and Albert. Very good evening. December 31 No money, admin problems January 2, 1994 Went to flea market with Michele and Cyril. Bought clothes for Michael. January 11 Phoned Baer (Edwin Baer, a delinquent debtor, Scientologist, owing Albert $150,000 + interest who eventually paid but refused to pay the $40,000 interest) Ruth (Baer's wife) answered, long communication not very nice. I want to ask my refund from IAS. Brought the Jeep to the dealer to try to trade it for something with lower payments. January 13, I am very irritable. My body and joints are very painful. January 14 Long talk with Cyril, no explanation and no respect. Took possession of my new car a Chevrolet Lumina. January 19, KR (Knowledge Report.Scientologists are ordered to write reports on ALL "outnesses" they observe in other Scientologists and send these reports to the "Ethics Section") on Jody Darling (another delinquent debtor, Scientologist, who did not repay over $300,000), still no news. Still the same money problems. January 23, Wrote to all my debtors. January 25 Did not sleep. January 27 Did not sleep. Went to see Andy (Andy Stilhard, staff member at Flag Service Organization, Inc.) about debtors. January 28 Sick. January 29 Sick, in bed. Passing blood January 30 Sick. Passing blood January 31 Sick. Passing blood. February 1 Sick. Passing blood. Wrote to IAS for refunds of Patron Meritorious ( a "status" achieved by paying $250,000 to the International Association of Scientologists) of Jody Darling, Hans-Kaspar Rhyner ( another delinquent debtor, Scientologist, who did not repay over $300,000) and Edwin Baer. February 2 Sick. Passing blood. February 3 Sick. Passing blood February 4 Sick. Passing blood February 5 Sick. Passing blood. February 8 KR on Hans-Kaspar Rhyner. January 14 Slept all afternoon, no courage. No news from IAS or from Baer, just from Rhyner. January 16 Fax to Jody. Problems with money. January 17 Communication with IAS no result. What can I do. January 18 Fax from Edwin, he has no money. Fax Jody KR. Fax IAS. January 20 Sat evening, sad, I have no goal, unhappy. January 25 Discussion with Chaplain (the staff member at Flag who is supposed to resolve conflicts between Scientologists because it is forbidden for a Scientologist to take a lawyer against another Scientologist) the cycle (Scientologese for action) does not go. I am bored, alone, sad. January 26 Deep depression. Can't take any more. January 27 Interview with Jeanne D'Arc ( staff at Flag). March 1 Fax to Chaplain. Serious problems with Jones St (a property he owned). Decided to let it be repossessed. March 12 Went to bed early very tired. March 14 Went to notary to sign for repossession of Jones St. Called Chaplain-- busy, called E/O ("Ethics Officer", staff who is supposed to ensure that Scientologists are "ethical" as defined by Hubbard)-- busy. Sad, no more courage, headache. March 15 Letter to Chaplain, to IAS, to MAA (Master-at-Arms, same as E/O), to C/S (Case Supervisor, staff responsible for ordering what type of "auditing" is to be done on someone). Totally depressed. March 16 Am very anxious regarding money, visa (immigration visa, he was Swiss), health. March 17 Cannot sleep, anxious. Listening to Ron's (L. Ron Hubbard) tapes to try and get out of this hell. March 20 In bed almost all day tired, problems. March 21 In bed almost all day, headache. March 22 Only interest of Cyril is to change cars, does not care about the future, just the present. He is selfish and egotistical. I argue with him, he is very negative. Called his mother, I want him to return to Switzerland. March 23 Chaplain regarding Baer's fax. March 25 Sad, depressed, crying. Cyril is in Key West with my car. March 26 Deep depression. March 27 Depression, depression, death, I do not know what the future will be. This month I lost Jones St, no money, Cyril not working. March 28 Fax to Baer and to Chaplain--no answer. April 4 Cyril has a new car. April 9 Fight with Cyril. April 14 Low morale, stuck. April 16 Depression, no money. April 18 Letter from Renald (Renald Racine, delinquent Scientology debtor who did not pay $6,000), disgusting, saddens me. Is he crazy? Took it to Cosima (an E/O at Flag). Angry about IAS. Criticised by IAS staff who told me it was not OK for me to ask for a refund. April 19 Depression. Spoke to Cyril, everything is falling apart. I am sad and very disappointed. April 20 All day in bed, depression, no product, a hell, strange story. April 23 Fax from Darling, 1.1 (1.1 is a Scientology description of the emotional level of a person, 1.1 is "covertly hostile", a low level meaning the person hates you but hides it). April 30 Very tired, very tired. May 2 Ariane paid $650 for Michael's school. May 3 Michael is sick. I am sad, no money. Ariane brought milk and fruit for Michael, thankyou. Christian Boesiger (yet another delinquent Scientology debtor who did not repay over $33,000) no news. This chaplain cycle is punishing me. May 4 Chaplain Court (Scientology "court action" supposed to resolve conflicts between Scientologists). Rhyner offered $200,000--no interest, so I lose the interest?? May 5 No Jody, no Chaplain Court. May 6 Chaplain cycle very bad, they not only do not pay but they want me to lose money. I am disgusted with all that. Edwin Baer cannot come and is represented by Hans-Peter Tschupp. I am totally alone. May 7 Bulimia of misery. May 8 Sad. May 13 Chaplain with Baer represented by Tschupp. No assistance. May 16 Appointment with Alain Kartuzinsky (a Senior Case Supervisor at Flag). May 19 Going to Switzerland June 20 Returned from Switzerland, low morale, no future, no goal. June 30 Ariane gave me $275 for Michael's school. July 1 Low morale. Slept. July 2 Fax from Rhyner, entheta (Scientologese meaning ugly, hostile), does not pay, low morale, slept. July 3 Low morale, slept. July 4 Low morale, no goal. July 7 I am very sad, Cyril moved out, he does not work, is lying, does not get up in the morning, he is not OK. July 8 I am sad. July 12 Sent faxes to Baer, Hans-Kaspar Rhyner, Hans-Peter Tschupp (he was involved in arranging the "loans" Albert was persuaded to make), and Jody Darling. July 14 Chaplain for finance. Situation deteriorates between Cyril and me, lots of unpaid bills, I am angry. July 15 At the Fort Harrison (name of the building that houses part of Flag--the FH), saw Kathy who wants to send me on the Freewinds (Scientology cruise ship) for an OT Debug (action supposed to resolve problems an "OT" has). July 16 Fight with Cyril. July 17 Suicidal, sick, no courage. July 19 Phoned OSA about the loan cycle--nothing. July 22 Cyril does nothing. Saw Chaplain and Director of IAS, got angry, ARCX (ARC broken meaning very upset). July 28 KR on Hans-Kaspar Rhyner. No money. Ariane brought food, thankyou. July 30 Prepared folder for a Comm-Ev (Committee of Evidence, a kind of trial without jury) for Baer, Jody Darling and Hans-Kaspar Rhyner. July 31 Sad, no goal. Received a check from Ariane for $275 for Michael's school. Augustus 4 Saw Alain (Kartuzinsky), Ingrid (the "host" at Flag to whom public Scientologists can go and voice their concerns), Sergio (Chaplain), E/O, for this money cycle, a lot of charge (charge is Scientologese for mental trauma). I am tired, headache, toothache, sad. Augustus 5 Saw Alain, LRH Host,E/O, Sergio, big discussion regarding money cycle. 48 hours for Darling, Rhyner and Baer to come to Flag, not real. Augustus 6 Toothache, very painful, took aspirin (Scientologists are not supposed to take drugs, even aspirin), no courage. Augustus 7 Toothache, aspirin, my health is getting worse. Augustus 8 Fax from Rhyner--nothing. Toothache. Slept almost all day. Augustus 9 No money, sad, tired. Augustus 10 Slept, was very tired. Augustus 12 Alone, sad. Augustus 13 Alone, sad. Augustus 15 Cyril got up at 1pm. Augustus 17 I am very nervous, it's difficult for me to confront, sad, tired, sick, toothache, aspirin. Augustus 18 Saw Jeanne D'Arc and Alain. Augustus 19 Sad. Augustus 20 Sad. Augustus 22 Fell asleep at Fort Harrison, saw Jeanne D'Arc. Augustus 25 At Fort Harrison to get auditing. Augustus 26 At FH for auditing, money problems with reg ("registrar"--a salesman selling auditing). Augustus 27 Auditing. Augustus 28 Auditing. Augustus 29 I remain sad in spite of auditing, very, very tired. Augustus 30 Sad, crying, tired, the body is suffering, I am scared of Ethics. I am in bad shape physically. Cyril does not produce, selfish, interested only in music, films, computer, car. Augustus 31 I am suffering, tired, no auditing. I protest to Jeanne D'Arc, no money. September 1 Ariane brought $275 for Michael's school, auditing. September 2 Auditing. September 3 Auditing, not fun. September 4 Very big fight with Cyril, he is lying, cheating, he hates his little brother, his sister, his friends and probably his dad. An hour and a half of auditing for that today and I am sad, is he my son? September 5 Cyril called his mother to return to Switzerland, yes. September 6 Auditing. September 11 Auditing, hard, pain in joints. Chaplain cycle Rhyner--nothing. September 12 Tired, sad, pain, depression. September 13 Jeanne D'Arc came to my house to do a "Nerve Assist" (Scientology action consisting of stroking the person's torso and limbs, following the routes of the major nerves), later had a session (auditing), hard, tired. September 14 Four hours of session, hard, no wins, by-passed-charge (mental trauma that has been stirred-up but not relieved), what a mess. In the evening nerve assist from Jeanne D'Arc, cried. September 15 Jeanne D'Arc nerve assist, no auditing, sick, sad, tired. September 16 Auditing, hard, long, sad, disappointed. September 19 Auditing, hard, tired. September 21 I am angry, nothing is happening on the finances. September 23 A lot of sadness, a lot of problems. September 24 I cry, sad, nothing to eat, fridge empty, Ariane brought $60 of food. September 25 I write my O/Ws (overts and withholds. An overt is a BAD action or omission and good and bad are defined by Hubbard. A withhold is anything the person is withholding because he fears the consequences of its being divulged. It can be an overt, or just something embarassing. A common Scientology action is to "write O/Ws", IN FULL DETAIL, and give them to the Ethics Officer and Case Supervisor, who take appropriate actions). September 26 Continue to write O/Ws, strange, very tired. September 27 Write O/Ws. September 28 Write O/Ws, I am very sad. October 2 Ariane and Alex helped me to clean San Salvador (a house he had to sell because he could not pay the mortgage. Cyril refused to help him clean it up). October 7 Phone with Ruth Baer, she hung up on me. October 8 Auditing. October 9 Cleaned San Salvador with Alex and Ariane, a lot of work. October 10 Auditing. October 11 Sad, do not feel good, shitty cycle, not fun. FH for 5 hours review, $3,600 (meaning he paid $3,600 for 5 hours auditing). Long communication with Jeanne D'Arc, this cycle is bothering me. October 14 Could not sleep, no auditing, sad, depression, sick. October 15 Auditing, long. October 16 In morning, auditing, long, afternoon FH, no more hours (his 5 hours are all used up). October 19 Very tired, sick, pain to the tips of my fingers. October 20 Concerning Ariane, I will not do what I have done to her, I will handle with a lot of ARC (Affinity, Reality and Communication. When Albert and I divorced I was told by the Ethics Officer to give Albert custody of Michael. Later Albert became more and more convinced that I was bad for Michael and refused to allow me ANY contact with Michael for a period of 7 months. When I called, Albert had someone else tell me on the phone that I had to get permission from the Ethics Officer to see my son. This is the practice called "disconnection" advocated by Scientology. My son was THREE years old at the time). October 21 I am tired and sick. October 22 FH to see Jeanne D'Arc, afternoon faxes to Jody, Rhyner, Baer, Pichon (another delinquent Scientology debtor who did not repay over $41,000). October 25 Interview with Jeanne D'Arc, I was not nice with her, she was sad. Have decided to ask for a refund from IAS. October 27 Contacted Alain and Jeanne D'Arc to ask for a refund from IAS. October 28 Contacted Ginger and Jeanne D'Arc to ask for my refund from IAS. October 31 D of P (an interview by the Director of Processing [Processing is auditing], not happy, without purpose, useless. November3 All this week sad, feverish, pain, depression. November5 Sick, sad. November6 Fax from Rhyner who is very angry with me. I cannot take any more, I screamed at Jeanne D'Arc and Marcus (E.O.) November7 My health is bad, money, nothing, treason all over. Fought with Jeanne D'Arc, is it a threat? Yes. She has changed camp. I am in danger. November8 Sad week, not happy, stuck. November11 Met Valeska (my teenage daughter who is staff in Clearwater), my dad, thought it was he who was calling me (he thought Valeska was his father who had died when he was four). Ooh la la, Valeska. Saw Alain, no product. November14-15 Cyril is always stopping, very bad manager. Loide (a Scientologist) does not exchange, just asks for car, bike, etc. November16 Moved from Calumet (another house he had to sell) to Greenwood (small, one bedroom appartment), cried with pain, dizzy, tired, oppression. November17 Baer proposes a repayment, I sign the papers for that. November18 Baer does not send the money, strange story. Rhyner nothing, Jody no comm (communication). November19 This morning I asked Cyril to help me take the furniture upstairs, he refused. November22 Received 150,000 Swiss francs from Baer, lost $40,000 and all the unhappiness. November 30 Cyril came to the house to ask for a new computer, I said "no", he left angry. December 1 I am very tired, chest constricted, I do not think I will finish the year. December 2 Cyril went back to Switzerland without saying goodbye. Received auditing in the evening, feeling faint, I do not feel good at all. December 3 This morning very faint if I move too much, a lot of chest pain. December 4 Sick. December 5 This week sad, sick, anxious. December 7 I am very anxious. December 8 I will sign for San Salvador (to sell it). Ariane and Stefan are moving the furniture out. December 9 (last entry) Not a lot of money left on the account. PLEASE DISTRIBUTE THIS AS BROADLY AS POSSIBLE AND, IN THAT WAY, ALBERT WILL NOT HAVE SUFFERED AND DIED IN VAIN. SOME GOOD CAN MAYBE COME OUT OF IT AND OTHERS CAN BE SAVED FROM A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE.
THANK YOU, ALBERT.
Ariane, Michael and Alex.