|OWs Lisa McPherson 10-31-95
1. I stopped producing and dumped my hat.
2. Around 9-3-94 at my desk up by reception at AMC. I had been playing a production game to meet a certain target of 10 cards in every mailing for 1994. I had accomplished that target and then I stopped playing the game, I stopped producing or moving towards the direction of any goal. I made calls randomly and without any real intention of doing anything. I became a loafer and spectator to the game and did not tell anyone. I refused to apply conditions. My stats crashed. I required heavy intervention by my senior who could do nothing with me because the truth was I had blown my post. The predict was false based on my production because I wasn't really being a team member at all. My whole group was mislead. When it got down to the brass tacks of production in November in order to take off for the Christmas holidays the whole sales team was overburdened unnecessarily because of my treason, they all thought I was on their team so they completely missed that I was the one holding the stats down. It became a red herring and we did ultimately pull off the target but it was under heavy stress and pain because of what. I had done.
1. I knowingly created an overt product with Roy Matlock.
2. September 28, 1994 at my desk near reception at AMC. We were planning a trip to St Pete for a training seminar with Ben and needed to be upstat in order to go. I had dumped my hat the week earlier and didn't tell anyone. Roy Matlock called me at 4:30 on the day we were scheduled to leave. He told me he was ready to mail in every single mailing we had going out between then and the end of the year. I thought it was a big order ($50,000) and questioned to myself his ability to pay for it. He did not ever answer my Q he just said it would be "no problem". I wrote up the paperwork and submitted it to him. I announced it to the ED and I recall doing so thinking I was justifying my actions somehow. Once she acknowledges me I made her responsible for the cycle and dropped my own in handling it by the book. We Took time off on a false stat because the order ended up completely cancelling. I personally ended up spending $5000 in expenses because Roy did not pay. My immediate senior spent hours of unnecessary time going through all sorts of extra actions to work around this overt product - there were mail date changes, price quotes needed because of the special nature of his order (he had a hole.punch in the card), the art department spent a few hours tracking down data on this due to last minute changes, the predict in the maiings was completely thrown off and was false. Hours of production time was wasted in administration . for something which ended up being cancelled. Hours of production time (probably 15 of my own personally) was lost in chasing, lecturing, writing and trying to turn this overt product into a real product. Roy Matlock is probably sick or dying because I let him go criminal (he has his own responsibility but I had the tech to salvage him), another one of Roy's associates was robbed $5000 of his own money because Roy used his money to try and pay for our mailing and then Roy ended up not forwarding the leads so that man was just ripped off too.
1. I took the Roy Matlock order without doing th ending cheklist standardly and violated policy.
2. Friday, September 28, 1994 at my desk near reception at AMC. Roy Matlock called and ordered $50K worth of mailings. He had a history of slow pay earlier and we helped him out by paying for his mailing when his son was terminally ill in Dec 93. I knew there was something out on the cycle simply because he was ordering so much with no effort and no real responsibility for paying for it. When I asked him how he would pay for it he just said "it's no problem" and . I took him at his word. I had no reason to trust him yet I did. There are exact points to be handled on the ending checklist with regards to payment which I ignored and did not follow. When we discussed his payment he told me he was waiting for money from a cycle that should come down anyday. I did not get the complete details at that point and accepted his order knowing he did not have the money in his own account to pay for it. There was never a firm agreement on when he would pay. It was always, when his money came in. Based on that alone the order should never have been accepted. He did not have a history of payment to accept such an arrangement. I turned in $50K worth of orders that ended up all being cancelled except for the few I personally paid for. Hours of administration time was spent by staff processing invoices, inputting data into the art computers, logging, tracking, handling - there were about 25 separate orders to be processed and they were all processed. There were probably 30 or better hours spent on this cycle from the art department alone., The dir art probably spent another 10 or so hours on calls to MGA and getting me special pricing because of the nature of his card (hole punched). This is in addition to the other events which are recorded in the earlier overt above.
1. I dumped my hat as sales person at AMC and crashed my stats.
2. In October of 1993 at the bank building, it was where my desk was facing out towards the tellers in the bank. I had set a secret target for myself on all the state mailings and had accomplished it and did not tell anyone. I had stopped producing and was basically just spending my post time patting myself on the back for what a good job I had done. No one knew I had dumped my hat. The predict on production was not able to be fully done. My senior spent at least 5 hours trying to help 'me uncover my out ethics sit (of which I was not giving up) so her time was wasted. My team members were betrayed in thinking that I was playing on their team and was producing what I. had promised when in fact I was not. I wasted probably at least. $30,000 in sales with my back patting instead of selling., There as added stress and sweat added to our year end production as we were on a very tight TM to get out of Dallas and come to Flag. Each and every staff member was affected as a result of my dumping my hat because they each had to work harder to pick up the production I was not taking responsibility for.
1.I was not applying conditions even though I lied and said I was.
2. In October of 1993 in Dallas at my job at AMC. My stats had crashed. I had a most definite out ethics situation happening on my2D that I refused to give up. I blew from my post and did not handle the out ethics scene until the BD had to personally become involved. Many hours were spent by the SD and ACO (DeDee) trying to help me get the condition straight. I was not being honest. about my scene so all the time spent was wasted. This was at a very critical time in the game to come to Flag so added worry, stress and confusion to the senior exec lines (I know that when the income is down it does concern all partners and execs in the corporation) so not just the ED was effected but Jeff, David, DeDee were also distracted and were stressed.. This resulted in addition to what is
written above in earlier o/ws. ..
1. I had an out ethics situation going on on my 2D which I was hiding that was creating a huge flap on my 3D.
2. In October 1993 I had met a guy at Wild West, where I danced frequently and started a 2D with him without telling any of my friends. I withheld it as I knew the activity did not align with my groups goals and purposes and it was in fact a promiscuous act only, not a real 2D game. My stats crashed in October date coincident with this out ethics situation and I refused to give it up. Instead I continued to hide the relationship and have sex on a complete withhold. In addition to what is stated above, this guy was given a bad impression of Scientology and what it's group members represent. I set a very bad example of what Scientology represents. He was ARC broken at not having understood how we were out-ethics so my ability to honestly and ethically disseminate to him was lost.
OWs Lisa McPherson 11-1-95.
1. I sandbagged a sale to keep from confronting the correct condition.
2. Around Feb 95 (middle of the month).in my office at AMC in the back. It was on a Thursday and my stats were clearly in Danger for the week. I looked at it and looked at the condition danger and then blew it off and thought to myself "I can pull off a miracle, I always do I won't worry about it" and I did nothing to take action to revert the stat. Instead I patted myself on the back for, the good job I had done and just wondered along aimlessly on my post. I flipped through my sorts see if there was someone I "felt like" calling. I scanned my names and did not apply myself whatsoever. On Friday we were down as a group overall, the E/ED came to me and let me know they were counting on me to help save the week. I told him not to worry I had it in the bag. I recalled not having closed Mike Sause for his fourth quarter mailings and that is what I turned to for the solution. The truth of the matter was I had already sold him technically, it was only a matter of rounding up the order and getting the paperwork in, it also was for mailings which did us absolutely no good in Feb as they were Oct-Dec mailings so it was also a stat push. I had the Pack mgr take my stats to the meeting and I came in late. I felt wierd about the cycle and then the ED spoke to me and said "you sold 3rd and 4th quarter mailings to handle your stats this week?!?" sort of in disbelief. I said "yea" and sat down. She missed my w/hold right there that I had blown from my conditions and had kept it hidden by pushing the stat instead of getting the product. Weeks following this I was fretting over the Sause cycle, I spent time in 2 way comm cycles with my immed senior, the D/ED, the ED and I kept myself in worry and foment about that cycle. It ended up flapping later and the mailings did get cancelled so I ended up having to resell them almost a year later anyway. The pack manager had to spend hours of her production time handling the client to cancel these mailings which were sold in Feb which took away from critical sales time. This was also during a very critical time company wise where every single minute of every single day counted as we were sinking fast. Dev-T was created in the art department when they needed every minute firming up and rounding up all art cycles so we'd know what we needed to have to make it. treasury got Dev-t'd in having to help on the handle of payment for these mailings in order to salvage them. So all in all there was at least a week of solid production time wasted in dev-t consumed over this stat push which could have been averted by simply finding and applying the correct condition.
WHAT IS THE OVERT?
[Caps above denote handwriting]
1. I was very lazy,and just let the stat stay down.
I CRASHED MY STATS AND DID NOTHING TO HANDLE IT.
[The above caps are in hand writing, but I don't know whether it was Lisa's
or not. NOTE, all caps from now on are in handwriting that are in this context.]
2. In February of 95 on Tuesday afternoon. At the end of the day I noticed my stat had not moved all day. I wasn't in terrible shape and it could have probably easily been handled. I had up to that point been working for one day on really having my condition under control and I was inspecting it-every hour and staying on top of exactly what I was doing and did very well at navigating it until I got to emergency. I had made the decision to take responsibility for my conditions and to really steer my sales ship using them. There was something I misunderstood about emergency and instead of finding my MU or doing something about it, like getting in comm with my Senior I just blew from the condition and decided to "do it my own way" which meant I'd just glow and see what came of it. I put out the postulate that my stat would be handled. I stopped operating from any idea of a condition and abandoned the tech entirely. I goofed off for the rest of the day. The pack manager was coming around twice per day to get our condition and see where we were at. This was a help flow from management. My w/hold was missed and I got extremely upset with DeDee and withheld that. All I would look at was the fact that I was in Power and I didn't "need" anyone coming around policing me, pretty interesting HE&R. I went out of control and my stats crashed for good shortly afterwards. A 3 May PL was done which was a joke because I wasn't giving up the correct out-ethics sit so I wasted several hours of my own and the D/EDs time. I wasted time on word clearing during production time with another staff member. All the situations that ensued include me contributing to crashing the orgs stats and overworking all the execs. The other ramifications are listed in my earlier OWs on -this scene, this was another instance of my failing to take responsibility for myself and my own condition that resulted in disaster across the dynamics.
1. I dramatized my case to keep from confronting my condition.
2. In February 95, on Tuesday afternoon at 2:10 in my office at AMC. The pack manager had come in and was asking me what condition I was applying. My w/hold got missed and I became enraged. I noted it was a non-optimum reaction and was way over what was probably called for. I looked at it as a "sign" and began chewing on my case. I looked at the blackness that had come over me and started listing on what it was. I kept listing for the rest of the day, giving myself item after item, "maybe it was that I was really in power and there was so much power connected to my condition that it caused this super restimulated power surge..." and "well, I'm on Power processes and my condition on post is power and it seemed like a lot of power coming from the blackness so maybe it is the fact that I am really in power..." and "wow, what was that?" and I wonder what that REALLY was?" and "maybe it was some kind of valence" and "let me see if I can figure this out" and "maybe it was something I can't really confront and that is why it was black" and "it was so quick and yet so black and felt so overwhelming, maybe it was another being invading my space and I really couldn't do anything about it anyway" and "maybe it was a being from another planet trying to take over my body" and "maybe it was because I had decided I could conquer anything in the universe and this what I pulled in as a result of that postulate" and off I went into the out list of the out list phenomenon. I went psycho. I bled my case on every terminal around me. My FSM, my 2D, my friends at work. I probably stirred up some of their case by running mine on them. I granted my case the power and strength to overwhelm me and it did just that. I became less than it and a victim to it. I gave up complete control of my thoughts actions, postulates, power and turned it all over to my case and what my case dictated is all I went with. I spent my entire bridge that I had saved for handling this. I lost over 50K in income for the year that I could have earned had I stayed on post and not gone off into the tangent I did. I worried every single friend and fellow staff member to death thinking I might not make it because I was dramatizing death so hard. My friends were left helpless to me. Int management had to get involved to sort me out which took time away from their expansion or helping someone who wasn't as able as I was. Every comm line I was on was adversely affected in some way due to my position as a stable terminal it destabalized anyone who was connected to me. My group was severely damaged both spiritually and financially due to my actions. We almost went down.
WHAT'S THE OVERT?
1. I didn't take responsibility for my post condition and let my stats
crash. I CRASHED MY STAT & DIDN'T DO A/G TO HANDLE
2. While I was on staff at CC Dallas during 1986 in Div 6. I had ended the week before in affluence and had written up my condition. It was Saturday, two days after I had supposedly began to apply the affluence condition yet my stats were crashed. I had not in fact taken on step to truly apply the condition but was just patting
myself on the back for the great job I had done the week before. I had made the decision that I really didn't need to keep working hard, I had accomplished something, it was affluence. I was stuck in the win because I had not actually causatively applied any condition actively to create what I created so per what LRH says in the anatomy of failure out of new slant on life, I stayed in it. I never moved ahead to the future and stayed stuck in the past. I had not intended to win and did. Wow. What a cog. Anyway, the BD kept coming in and checking on me trying to sort out what I was doing and why the condition wasn't moving. I would shrug my shoulders at her claiming to be ignorant of what the problem might be. She was pulling her hair out. She kept asking me what had I changed and I could not come up with anything, which makes sense because I had never actually applied myself to get to affluence the week before in the first place so here she was, asking me how I did it and I hadn't a clue! As far as I was concerned it really had more to do with my charm and personality than any application of a condition since that is what I focused my attention on during the production day more than anything. I had no intention of spending time on solving the situation or getting at cause over my post. That week we lost the gains made in the previous week. My senior, Force, was under heavy pressure to handle the area and had no way to really predict and
handle because I was out of control. Eventually it affected every other stat in the org including Div 2 because then their ability to resign became fewer and fewer with the lack of bodies in that week it crashed. Income was affected, the ability to dissiminate to others was weakened with the dropped income. Staff morale dropped with the lowered stat. Staff pay dropped and some staff mate not have been able to do what they needed to do. I moon lighted so it was no sweat for me to not make money on staff. All my fellow staff members suffered because it is the inflow of public in through div 6 which feeds the org. The expansion of Scientology in Dallas was cut because of my failure to apply conditions to my immediate area.
WHAT IS THE OVERT?
1) I had an MU on post and never cleared it up and blew.
I BLEW FROM POST AND DIDN'T HANDLE AN MU I HAD
2. When I first joined staff at CC Dallas (was a mission then) in 1983. I accepted a post as a replacement for Janie Woltzen so she could join the S.O. I had no idea what Scientology was really and didn't take the time to find out, I just said "okay". My first day on post I was in a little office. Tim Collins was helping me, I think I was course admin or course sup, I don't recall exactly. So I was sitting in this office and I kept receiving communications that said "time machine". I had no idea what this meant and I just kept pushing the comet aside and trying to hide from it. Then I hated my post. I hated whatever "time machine" was and I hated every person who routed me anything that had these two words on it. I soon fell out of ARC with the group. I did nothing to clear it up or even ASK what it meant. I just sat-at my desk grumbling about how stupid this place was. At one point Tim did try and help me clear it up by telling me it had something to do with a stack of baskets in my office. Eventually I hated those baskets too, they only took up room so far as I could see.
While I was writing up this incident something blew and I cannot put the rest of it together right now. I'm at a good ending point for today and will resume this incident tomorrow to try and put it back together. What an incredible fucking cognition - I HAD AN M U! [ not in handwriting]
OWs LISA MCPHERSON 11-2-95
1. I was ugly to Katie and did not grant her beingness.
2. Yesterday on the phone in my office with Katie. I had received a phone call from Mike Sause about his account. I did not look at his record to see what had last transpired to find out what he might have been calling me about. He gave me his complaint. I called Katie and without asking her what the situation was I just started demanding answers from her about what she was "doing with MY account" as if she was intentionally committing an overt on my client. She attempted to explain to me but I was not listening. I was more interested in being right myself. I heard her frustration on the line and ignored it. I acted like I was not being affected at all by what she was saying or doing which probably heightened the frustration between us. I implied to Katie that she was trying to stop my client from advertising which I know is not a truth. She tried again to tell me what the situation was and again I refused to listen. We ended up spending at least 10 minutes on prime production time arguing about this. She was enturbulated unnecessarily, her post product was impeded. I did not even look at the cycle from the viewpoint of what her product was and what she was trying to accomplish. My client got the impression the left hand did not know what the right had is doing at AMC as a result of me dumping the hat on Katie in the first place.
1. I dumped my hat on Katie and ignored lines which created an upset.
2. About a month ago. In my office up near. reception at AMC. .I had taken over Mike Sause's account from DeDee and without any regard for what might have already been done I just jumped in and began running the cycle like it had been dropped. Katie had not dropped the hat for collections and DeDee had not dropped the hat on servicing the account. I ignored the lines completely and called the client. I spoke to Rhonda Lewis and asked her what exactly would she like to have happen as far as payment on the account. She said she would really like monthly payments as opposed to weekly. I said fine. I had asked Katie (dir income) what kind of arrangement would she accept from Mike and she said anything, she would agree to. what ever he wanted to pay. .I had treasury run a report of what they had been invoiced for the past 8 months to see if we could get some sort of average amount they had been paying to use as a guideline which I did. I submitted a CSW to the BD and completely. bypassed treasury altogether to get payment arrangements made. Katie called me when she found out what I was doing and said that she had already agreed that whatever he wanted to pay was fine and that my CSW was not really needed (I think). I secured the card pack mailings for Dec and the mag ad for Nov and then I dropped the collection end of my hat altogether and left it to Katie to handle. I knew she had been working with them when DeDee was over the account and I did not pick up the line. I left Katie responsible for my lines. The client got ruffled at the out comet sit and the owner himself had to call me personally to get it straightened out. Katie was put in danger by not being able to get her product because of all the stops I had on the line. Katie was made to look stupid possibly by the client because she was not infold of what comm cycles I had with the client earlier. AMC looks like we dropped a few balls when in fact it was MY dropped ball entirely. Production time was lost by everyone, including my client.
1. I dropped my hat and didn't make sure my lines were completely turned over and dumped the hat on Katie.
2. About 3 weeks ago when the pack reps were told to pick up only those mag accounts they could easily in the mainstream of business. This was at my office up near reception. I was ordered to go back on pack sales and that I was a PACK REP not a mag rep. I continued' to work my mag accounts until the ED had to set me straight for the; third time that I was off mags and to stop working mags and get on packs flat out. I began passing my mag lines to the Sales Sec with notes on what was to happen with each one. I never followed up to ensure the accounts were in fact being handled correctly or at all: I just passed the lines to the Sales Sec and went on selling packs assuming it was under control. The only mag accounts I ended up with were the handful I had already with pack business. We had a meeting one saturday and it was made clear then that pack reps were to only service certain accounts. The ED had the list and was turning lines over to Mike Dawson and to the individual reps themselves for handling. I never did anything else with my mag lines from that point forward. I haven't even really looked at any reports coming my way about the mag to see who it is I actually should be servicing outside of Sause, Solomon and Hinderer who are my card pack clients. It was a dropped and dumped hat. The dir income has been sending me reports and I haven't even looked to see what accounts are still showing up under my name. Clients are not being serviced, invoices are not being paid. Treasury is having to chase up lines and is being dev-t'd by me for lines I did not pass. Holes are being left wide.open where accounts are not being handled which leaves us liable for field flaps big time.
OWs 11-3-95 LISA MCPHERSON
1. I abandoned my responsibility and shifted it Bennetta, I hat dumped on Bennetta.
2. September 94 just before we left to go to St Pete in front of Bennetta's office. I had just gotten the contract from Roy Matlock signed and I had something on it, I didn't feel 100% sure of its validity. I took it immediately to Ben's office and held it up to her. She saw it and said great. I took that as my responsibility release and from that point forward it was not my responsibility to ensure the account was paid. I knew there was something fishy and I would not confront it so I covertly delivered it to Bennetta (I had already decided she could read minds) and then it had nothing further to do with me. She never knew of my considerations about it or that there was anything the least bit odd about the cycle. She completely trusted me to take responsibility for my actions at the time. Roy Matlock ended up being my worst nightmare. My failure to fully-wear my hat resulted in dev-t on Ben's lines, DeDee's lines, my lines, Carol's lines, MGA's lines, and Roy's lines. In addition to what I've written up on past OWs I left Bennetta completely unprotected from financial loss. She had no way of knowing that this man was not going to pay - I did. She provided me with all the necessities to do my job and I put her at financial risk. She did lose thousands of dollars on this in materials, labor not to mention her personal income which suffered. She was forced to be responsible for something she had no knowledge of - an impossibility.
1. I hat dumped on Bennetta.
2. When I was dating Kurt in February of this year. I was driving down Ft Harrison in my car after he and I had just had a pretty heated scene. I decided I wanted to break up with him because it was not the greatest good and I was miserable in the relationship. I thought to myself "what would Bennetta think if I broke up with him?" as if she was responsible for making sure my 2D was successful. I decided she would not like it so I violated my own code of honor and did not break up with him and never told her. Again, I left responsibility at her door without her having any knowledge of me having done so. There was a flap on our personal comm line later when I withheld that I had agreed to marry Kurt, of course this overt was missed too. Our comm line suffered. Our ARC was lowered because I withdrew from her, and she never knew why.
1. I hat dumped on Bennetta and made her responsible for something without telling her what it was.
2. In October of 93 in Dallas. I met a guy at a bar, Wild-West and I knew he was not aligned to-my dynamics. I was planning on moving to Florida at the end of the year and had no business mocking up a 2D of any sort with anyone from Dallas, I knew this without a doubt. I also thought that Bennetta would not agree. I made the first advance at him by asking him to dance. I knew he liked me and I strongly encouraged him to flirt with me. I knew he was not the type of person I would have selected as my 2D under any circumstances. I also decided he was not the kind of terminal Bennetta would have agreed to for me, that was part of the computation. I flirted constantly with him while we were dancing. I knew he liked me and I let him walk me to my car the first night we danced. I saw his car and instantly knew he was not an upstat. I thought to myself that I should not let this go any further because he was not ever going to be a 2D candidate for me. I decided that Bennetta would not see him as a suitable terminal for me either. I decided that Bennetta would not judge someone unfairly because of the kind of car they drove and she would probably give them a chance. I gave him my telephone number. We had agreed to meet again and dance (on the next weekend I think) but he never called me. He ended up calling me 3 days later than he had originally promised and confessed that he had been in jail for two days. Oh great I thought, this is just great! The first thought out of my head was "Bennetta would have a fit if she knew this!" He explained to me his situation with traffic violations and how he had not handled them so he was arrested and his car impounded. Now I was completely convinced that he was not a 2D candidate for me and there was no way it would be correct to put a 2D flow on this line at all, he was also out-ethics. I looked at what Bennetta would do and decided to act on that instead of what I really thought. Again, Bennetta is completely responsible here, not me. I decided that Ben would not just blow the guy off but would try and help him. I decided to go out with him when he asked me to. I did not really want to but I decided that Bennetta would not think it was fair or just to blow someone off because they had made a mistake. I decided that Bennetta would think the best thing to do was to-go out with him, I never asked her what she thought about this. I agreed to go out with him, I was talking to him from the car in the parking lot at the org and agreed to see him on that Friday night. Since he did not have a car I agreed to pick him up at his house. The instant we saw each other we put a 2D flow on the line. We went dancing and danced close and rubbed bodies all night. We mocked up a 2D on the dance floor. I completely gave in to the sensation of it all and executed no control on myself whatsoever. The entire time I am constantly checking my actions against what Bennetta would think. The next night we were talking on the phone and discussing sex and safe sex and I told him he would have to use a condom if we had sex. Again, this is what I decided Bennetta would agree to, so long as we use a condom it would be acceptable to her for us to have sex. I never decided or had the intention of telling her though. So I was holding her responsible without making her0
aware of any of it.
The following night, I think it was Saturday, Jerry and I spent quite a bit of time over the phone talking. He told me about his work and his living arrangements and I told him about Scientology and that I was involved in courses that consumed much of my time. We looked at the fact that we liked each other but since I was moving there wasn't much sense in starting a relationship. He proposed the idea that we just do it until I left. I thought that was odd that he would agree to such a thing but it was an option. I looked at what Bennetta would think. I decided that as long as everyone (he and I and Bennetta) knew what the scene was (i.e. that it was only temporary and I was moving so the idea of it being permanent was not an option), and we exercised safe sex then Bennetta would agree to the relationship and it would be totally ok to proceed. I never told Bennetta what it was I had committed her to. What ended up happening is my stats crashed at work and no one knew what I was doing so no real ethics handling could occur. I set a bad example of a Scientologist, my comm line with Bennetta was destroyed with massive withholds, production was lost, our friendship was severly damaged because I am not being a friend, I am dumping all my personal responsibility on her making it impossible to be her friend. Her trust in me is worthless but she does not know that so she is making decisions and trusting me when I have long since betrayed her. Her predict of me and our friendship and our working relationship is completely false due to the lies and overts on the line. Her ability to plan honestly is shot to hell. She is left with an unknowing huge liability in me making her completely open to attack this guy could have been a looney and caused real damage and she would have ended up suffering innocently. He ended up flapping when I did end off the relationship because even though he said he could handle a part time temporary relationship, he really didn't know what he had agreed to and his heart strings got wound around me so he suffered a loss unnecessarily. I was the one responsible for his damage too. Bennetta was completely aghast at my situation when she found out what I was up to, I'm sure she lost several hours distracted at what I had gotten involved in, she was shocked to the hilt at what I told her I was doing. This is in addition to the hours DeDee spent in trying to figure out what my out ethics was.
OWS LISA MCPHERSON 11-4-95
1. I hat-dumped on Bennetta, was a victim and forced her to handle me.
2. In around April 93 at my apartment on a Monday morning. I woke up and I couldn't get out of bed due to pain. I called Bennetta at about 6:00 a.m. and told her I needed to go to the hospital, that I couldn't get out of bed. She came over immediately and began to help me. She took me to my Dr. and then directly to her house to take care of me. She took off work and stayed home and nursed me day and night for two weeks. She fed me, bathed me, made sure I was comfortable and had everything I needed. She took me to the doctor every day and made sure what ever could be done was being done to put me back to good health. She made sure I had transportation where ever I needed to go, she made sure I got auditing every time I could. She kept all entheta off my lines completely. She cared for me more than anything else in her life, including work and her family. Never once did I stop and look at what I had done to get myself in such a condition. I just decided that I was a victim and there wasn't anything that could have been done to have avoided this, this was just "something that happened". I never really looked at how I could have pulled in such an awful PTS situation and I refused to look at my cause in the whole matter. I assigned Bennetta as cause for handling my life. Her dynamics suffered due to time not being spent doing the things she was responsible for doing. Her family did not get the ordinary time and attention deserved due to her time being completely consumed by my situation. AMC suffered due to her not being at the helm. Sales suffered with me out and we had another new staff member just hired (Rosalie) who was also pulled off to help handle me. The group at AMC suffered with me being absent and Bennetta gone too, helping me. There was financial loss to Bennetta, AMC, staff (we could have possibly made more had Ben been there to help orchistrate). Clients were not handled as well as they could have. Huge Dev-T was created as a result of me not taking responsibility for my own life and situation.
WHAT WAS OVERT?
1: I BLEW OFF MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MYSELF AND REFU[SED] TO TURN MYSELF IN TO THE MAA WHEN i KNEW I WAS PTS; COMMITTED OUT TECH. [NOTE,there is scribbled out text that is still legible. Here is is: "I ignored PTS indicaters and let it escalate into a major handling by my best friend which created much damage and dev-t."]
2. While I was on KTL at CC Dallas , it was around Feb of 1992 I had a back pain that started turning on and I ignored it. I had started going to the chiro but did not report myself as being PTS so no handling was done. I went to course every night and ignored it for weeks. There were some nights I would squeal out in pain in the course room trying to sit down. I knew it was PTSness and I did nothing. Eventually I wound up completely down and off work for two weeks being cared for by my best friend. I constantly justified my physical situation with everything I could think of. Bennetta ended up having to completely, handle my dropped ball in life with 24 hour care and service and trips to the doctor and trips to the hospital. There was at least 40K in production lost as a result of my being off. Huge amounts of dev-t was caused by my not being able to care for myself. David had to get involved and help me even find a car.
WHAT WAS OVERT? I MOCKED UP A 2D W/OUT ANY INTENTION OF COMMITMENT OR
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE TERMINAL AND CONTRIBUTED TO RUINING HIS LIFE. [Note, there is some scribbled out overt that is still legible. It appears to me she is correcting something that the EO might have had her change. "I failed to handle out ethics on my 2D which resulted in flaps on Bennetta and David's lines, I made Bennetta responsible for my 2D.]
2. In July or so of 92 there was a phone call that came in to Jeff's office one day from an old friend of mine, Gary Bydlo. I intercepted the call and said "hey" and we chatted for a minute: I gave him my home phone number and asked him to call me at home later which he did. That night we talked over the phone for a couple of hours and decided then and there that we could mock up a 2D. He was planning a trip to Dallas within the next 30 days so we just decided to start a 2D. I knew nothing about this man, I had no idea what his stats were, what his ethics level was, what his debt scene was, what his current 2D scene was, what he looked like, what his interests were, what he thought to be fun, what he liked, what he disliked, whether or not he was a compatible partner, whether or not he would like me, how his living habits were, how his manners were, what his goals were, what he saw as importances in life, what his exchange factor was on his dynamics, NOTHING. And I committed to a 2D over the phone. I looked at 2 things and 2 things only, one, that he was a "Scientologist" and two, that "Bennetta would approve." everything else was cast aside. My own importances were completely ignored. I started a 2D for the sake of "having a 2D" without anything else considered . When we got together I did not like him. I did not like anything about him except that he was a heavy contributor to the third and fourth dynamics. Otherwise we had absolutely nothing 2D wise to discuss. As it turned out, he ended up owing David and Bennetta money so he fell from their good graces quickly after we got together. I blew from the relationship fast and shipped him back to Flag. It was immediately following this that I began having back problems. The results of this disaster were: Gary was forced to figure out a different solution than the one he had mocked up with me which cost him time and money (of which he had very little of either), I created a PTS situation for myself that incapicitated me for 3 months in agonizing pain. I lost money, my company lost money due to my lack of production, the BD came off post to personally handle me, the team was one short making it less effective (I was a leader in the sales force), a bad example was set for Scientology to my family.
1. I mocked up an out-ethics 2D and withheld it from Bennetta.
2. In March of 92 while I was living with Franz. I had been dancing on the weekends again and this is while I had a 2D with Franz and I met another guy I liked, he made some heavy out-ethics 2D flows at me knowing I had a boyfriend and I encouraged him completely. We danced for about 3 weekends and flirted constantly. He always asked how my 2D was and I would tell him "so-so" indicating that it wasn't best, he would ask me more questions and I'd hint that I really didn't expect it to last too much longer (letting him know covertly that he didn't have long to wait for me). One weekend at Cowboys Brenda was there and I was dancing with Greg. We took off and went to another club where we could dance by ourselves with out the interruptions of other dance partners pulling us away from each other. It was that night that I decided to end my 2D with Franz and I more or less told Greg that is what I was going to do. I spent the night with Brenda that night and didn't go home to Franz. I let her 3P Franz and used that as a justification to end the relationship. So, without warning I wrote up a quick doubt formula and the next evening I presented it to Franz, without any notice that anything was the least bit awry in our 2D. He was devastated. Bennetta missed this the night she went out dance with me at Cowboys and Greg was there. I was wanting to get her reaction to him and see whether or not I could tell if she agreed. She never knew that's what I had going on. (next OW covers this one fully). Bennetta never knew of the truth behind Franz and mine's breakup. I'd be willing to bet without looking that my stats crashed along this time and I know there were handlings done by Bennetta and DeDee on this to some extent. There was production loss, dev-t, and an unknown out-ethics situation which resulted in another out ethics sit of a similar nature that eventually took me down.
WHAT WAS OVERT? I MOCKED UP AN OUT ETHICS 2D KNOWINGLY [Scribbled out text: "I made Bennetta responsible for my 2D without telling her and blew off a 2D that I had no business mocking up a a 2D in the first place."] [Editor's note: it appears she is being told that the earlier infraction was wrong or missaplied, and she is correcting it under someone else's tutelage. I am not sure if this is even her handwriting or not.]
2. After I broke up with Franz at Cowboys one Friday night around April of 92. Ben had agree to go to Cowboys with me dancing as David was out of town. I invited Greg-to come along so I could get Bennetta's reaction to him and see whether or not I could tell if she liked him (without asking). Greg was the guy I blew Franz off for. She didn't really do much in the way of give indicators about Greg but she didn't seem to dislike him either. I took this as a "go" and mocked up a 2D with him. Bennetta never knew I had done this so it made her responsible for my out-ethics of which she never knew so she couldn't do anything about it. I ended up blowing Greg off faster than Franz, I just woke up one morning after having had sex with him and told him "this ain't gonna work" so he left and I never spoke to him again for months afterwards. He was upset but I never knew it because he wasted me very fast. I ended up completely stuck to him for months not able to get in comm so I was seriously distracted. I was not as effective at work, I had another withhold from Bennetta, I set a bad example as a Scientologist, I betrayed Bennetta by making her responsible for something she had no knowledge of.
WHAT WAS OVERT? I MADE A COMMITMENT TO FRANZ W/OUT ANY INTENTION OF HONORING HIS NEEDS AND WANTS AND USED HIM FOR MY OWN PERSONAL NEEDS AND CAUSED HIM MUCH TROUBLE. [Scribbled out text: "I mocked up a 2D with Franz just for the 'heck of it' and practically destroyed him when I broke up with him."]
2. In December of 1990 I saw Franz at a party Colleen Neary was having. I spotted him from across the room and decided that I would just "see if I could have a 2D with him or not". I invited him for coffee in front of the whole group and completely embarrassed him. I was more interested in being "interesting" at the party by pushing Franz, buttons than really putting a 2D together with him. I was house sitting at Carol & Steve's that week and the next day I called him to tell him I was sorry to have put him on the spot (which was a lie because I really didn't care what effect I had created on him, I just needed an excuse to call him and start the game). He was a very good sport about it and said no trouble at all, he was fine on it and having coffee would be an ok thing to do. That weekend we went to a restaurant and ate dinner. We were talking at the
table and I mentioned to him quite overtly that I was looking for a husband and that was what I wanted. He made it very clear that he had no intention of getting married. Right then and there our admin scales collided and we should have sensibly spotted it and walked away. We didn't, we continued to talk and act normal. He kissed me goodnight and it was a good kiss. We mocked up a 2D at that point. It progressed along and I was constantly bull-baiting him about getting married and he continued to say he was not interested and probably never would want to get married. We had this discussion many many times and never did I confront the truth of what was happening, we were not aligned on the 2D, period. When I had the cognition we had established a very good friendship and had still managed to help one another quite a bit, there was a great deal of affinity between us in spite of the fact that we weren't aligned in all facets of the 2D. I completely disregarded his feelings or thoughts or what effects I might create on him and just delivered a very cold, uncaring doubt formula to him one night and sort of shrugged my shoulders at it not having worked out. He about collapsed right in front of me. He started crying and sobbing at the idea of me leaving. He offered to try and handle it and I refused to let him (I had already mocked up another 2D with Greg at the time). I completely not-ised his feelings and hurt and acted like it wasn't there. My attitude was "it's too late" putting him instantly into regret. For months he tried to handle it and get on my comm line and I wouldn't have anything to do with him. For two years he griefed over the loss of our 2D. His production suffered, his dynamics suffered, his future took a toll. His tone level dropped lower than it had making it more difficult for him to pull himself out.
1. WHAT WAS OVERT? I MOCKED UP A 2D W/O ANY INTENTION OF HAVING A COMMITMENT BUT RATHER TO ACHIEVE MY OWN PERSONAL "TROPHY" FOR GETTING [S/G?] ELSE TO COMMIT TO ME. [Scribbled out text: I dumped my hat in life on Bennetta and didn't handly my own situation on my 2D but left it to her to sort out and fix me. I took complete advantage of her friendship."]
2. I had mocked up a 2D with David Haywood in Dallas in 8-90 on a whim. We were never really suitable for one another at all due to general incompatability yet I continued to try and work out a 2D with him to keep from "losing" at the game. It eventually caught up with me and created a huge flap in my life. I had to move out from him and had no place to go
back to because of my own out-planning other than Brenda's where she had already mocked up a 2D. Bennetta had been working with David and I and we hadn't made much progress due to general outnesses in our compatibility more than anything on our 2D. He decided he did not want a 2D with me and I caved in -got my motivator. Bennetta took me in her home and helped me get on a PAB 6 schedule and completely cared for me as a family member. She fed me, gave me a place to live, made sure I was in an uninturbulated invironment, keep any inturbulation off my lines where she could. I took
complete advantage of her friendship and rather than digging in to really handle the hell out of my own situation to keep it from flapping later I just did as little as I could to remain comfortable. I did do an OW write up but under her supervision and not from the viewpoint of my own cause but from the viewpoint of "what makes Bennetta happy" which left her still completely liable and responsible for my condition but she did not know I had done this.. My 2D scene continued to be unhandled completely and I continued to mock up unsuitable uncompatible terminals and go off doing whatever felt good to my crotch with one flap after another occurring on this line which continued to affect Bennetta each time, she was my
immediate senior as well as my friend so where ever I wound up in the soup she suffered too with lost production (from me), dev-t in having to handle me. This particular instance tied up her personal time trying to help David and I sort our scene out, trying to help me with an OW write up and condition handling, wearing the hat of MAA for me because. of my failure to wear my own MAA hat. I intruded on her family altho that would never be suggested to me, I am not a member of their family but I was treated as such so their family time could have been interfered with. My production roller coastered at work.
11--95 LISA MCPHERSON
1. I lied about my real intentions and completely dumped the entire WW project on Bennetta without telling her. I LIED ABOUT WHAT I WAS WILLING TO COMMIT TO.
2. In March 95 Bennetta had told me that she was going to ask if the Women's group could take on and handle Winter Wonderland this year as our project. I don't recall exactly where we were but it was in Clearwater. She asked me what I thought about it and I told her it was a great idea, that I loved it, I was completely enthusiastic about it as if I were ready to start tomorrow. This was PR and I was not really that interested in it at all. At the CBC dinner Bennetta announced at the table we were sitting at that "we got it". I recall, completely misduplicating what she had said. I thought she was trying to shut me up because I had arrived late and made too big of a deal about it. She was trying to tell me we got the project. I could have cared less but acted as if it was really a cool thing. I never once said to Ben how I really felt about the project and that it was of zero importance to me. I played along as if I was on the same team as her and we were moving forward. I had no intention of moving anywhere on anything. I planned to dump the whole project on her instead of doing anything myself. 5 months were lost in the fund raising during the year. Bennetta was left with the entirety of the project alone, without any real help -I'm not aware of anyone really pitching in to help her. She spent many many hours on worry and concern about how the job was going to get done. She lost much sleep. There were many many hats she had to wear with lining up entertainment, getting site things coordinated, arranging for all the permits from the city, getting volunteers to help, getting the charitable donations set up, finding the trees, setting up the delivery and ordering of all the activities on the site, funding the correct lines for that, contacting local schools and churches and doing the PR work necessary to gain their participation, sorting through and seeing what materials were left from years past and arranging to have that repaired or put into some working order, dealing with the city about using Coachman instead of the past sight, taking heat from the paper on the project, not putting this on anyone's lines but just handling it in PR, finding where to get all the materials and arranging to get them, every single detail of every single action this activity involved, she has the hats and was wearing them single handedly. The hat pass from previous years was a disaster, lines were half way turned over, many lines were missing, data was dispersed all over the place so it was a massive confusion. Six times the ordinary amount of 8C required was having to be exerted by Bennetta alone. I was the most likely candidate she could really count on and I completely shit on her. I don't know that she would have ever even considered taking it on without me. So she took it on thinking she had a very strong stable terminal backing her (me) and she didn't. She never put any of this on my lines directly. My failure to. be responsible for WW added to the stress and worry of handling the disaser at the office I helped to create 70k of, this added to making not fun (because of the other stress) the additional social activities she had committed to that had to be done (like Pamela Hackley's baby shower and the Halloween Party) which would have ordinarily been fun , I cost her much time she would have liked to spend with her family of which she had none, added stress, time and additional actions on all the hats she had committed to on every other activity she had. Added to the stress of completely handling the arbitration flap which consumed much time and was dev-t.
1. I refused to confront the responsibility I had for WW and wasted time and did not raise money leaving the 8D with a big problem and putting the project, the BD and the Church at severe risk.
I BLEW OFF MY RESPONSIBILITY TO WHAT I'D PROMISED [Hand written text at the bottom of the page.]
2. After I attested to Clear in September on a Sunday at my apartment. It was right before the OT Committee meeting and I had not done anything to raise money the entire day (or even possibly that whole week). I think I had been at the office working on my post stuff. Bennetta had called me to talk to me about the project. I had layed down and was not feeling real hot, I was majorly PTP'd about how I was going to do the job but I wasn't into create I was into non-confront: She talked about how critical it was that I get my ass in gear now and she started talking to me about the purpose of the project, how it would get on so many lines and what we could do with those lines, a light bulb came on for me and I started looking at my responsibility but instead of confronting what I needed to be DOING in order to handle the money aspect of the project, I went off into a Q&A about how I wasn't being responsible and why was that and figure figure. I looked at the KRC triangle, the definition of responsibility but I refused to look at what I WASN'T doing to handle the situation or what overts I had that was keeping me from confronting or seeing or having more knowledge or getting production occurring. The project was sort of a blur to me and I wouldn't confront what it was that I was doing/or not doing that was keeping me from producing, instead I went off into a more comfortable approach of something I was willing to confront. I went to the OT Committee meeting that night and did a little rah rah but not near enough to create the kind of flow we needed. I got about $45.00 and I decided that I had done enough and left it at that. It was like: well, I'll make a motion in some direction and just let what
will happen happen. Instead of: ok, this is what I need and this is how much direction is needed and this is the direction I need to be going and this is how much effort must be exerted and I don't stop until I get it. More time was wasted, more pressure was put on Bennetta, more production was lost, it was PR I was delivering, not products.
WHAT WAS OVERT? I BLEW OFF MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE COMMITMENT I'D MADE .... [typed text:]on fund raising and did not do what I KNEW I needed to do in order to get the product. I wasted time BY NOT DOING WHAT I KNEW I NEEDED TO BE DONE. [Some text is scribbled, some text is not; caps are hand written]
2. One Sunday before and at Flag at the OT Committee meeting. Before the meeting, Ben called me and was talking about what kind of action needed to be taken in order to meet our goals. She was telling me what was happening with our deadlines for money and she pointed out that I was not taking the kind of responsibility I needed in order to handle the project I told her yes I realized that and completely "yes'd" her every comment. hung up the phone and felt like shit. I was sitting in the middle of my OWs on not having done what I had promised I would do. I made myself go to sleep and not confront it more. I woke up and was trying to make myself feel good, not caved in like I had been feeling, man it was painful and I hated it. I was trying to make the whole painful situatian pleasant so I didn't feel like shit so I decided to play a game at the OT Committee for my own benefit more than anything else. I had about 5 minutes at the end of the meeting and I had pulled together some enthusiasm and got the group to participate to the extent of throwing some wadded up money in the
middle of the floor. I had not set it up properly in order to run the kind of control that needed .to be run I just threw something out and hope it would fly, it fluttered. I left the meeting knowing I had blown it because I did not round everyone up and get them to contribute, I left it up to them and walked away with $45.00 for an hour and half's work, a complete waste of resources and time. I could have probably found 3 people and raised close to $1000 if I had just done it properly in the amount of time I spent dicking around at the meeting. I completely wasted another full evening of production-time and no real money was raised and not even cycles set up to be collected on was done. The BD was dumped with more worry and concern about having enough money to do what needed to be done. This continued to add more pressure and the project became less fun for all. This created much more risk at not having the resources handled to fund the project on time.
What was overt? I BLEW OFF MY COMMITMENT AND RESPONSIBILITY TO WIN AND CHOSE [sic] TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO INSTEAD. [Scribbled text ensues: I set up a covert reg cycle with Greg Frost and ended up wasting my entire evening that I should have spent raising money for WW and got zero production done." ]
2. On Monday October 9th at the Sand Castle. Greg was someone Stephen Hackley had introduced me to on a 2D interest. I had spoken to the guy a couple of times and he seemed nice. I wanted to spend some time with him to get to know him better but I had the project of WW to raise money for which was not getting done. Monday night was the night I had committed to WW because I was on course TUES,WED,THUR so Monday was my only night, which meant it was critical I spend my time very wisely and make the most of it raising money. I talked to Greg that day and told him that I really wanted to see him and talk to him about the project I was working on. I needed to get in front of someone that night and raise the money. I had read his bio and it said that he made enough money "to raise a small army" which I thought made him pretty qualled for regging. I did not make it clear to him that the purpose of my visit with him was to reg him and I intentionally left it out, I just said, I wanted to tell him about the project. I knew he was interested in discussing the possibility of a 2D with me and I did not handle that aspect of our visit up front. I went to the Sand Castle and waiting for him in the MAAs office as we'd agreed. There were people in there I could have spoken to about the project but I didn't. I spent the time reading from the Scientology handbook to work on my 2D ethics program instead. Greg was in word clearing a friend of mine. He came out to let me know he wouldn't be long; He finished up and went in to see the MAA on his own personal cycle. We got together at about 10:00 and I followed him to his houpse so he could put his daughter to bed. I was exhausted and wasn't really up to the alertness I needed to be in order to deliver a good presentation or even talk sensibly for that matter. I should have passed and just spent a few minutes talking about nothing too serious and gone home and went to bed and chalked it up to a day over. He began on the subject of the 2D. I told him I was an ethics particle at the present and needed to work out some things based on a recent promiscuity sit I had put myself in. We discussed who he was and what he was best at in life a bit, I didn't really get into telling him too much about who I was and left it with the fact that I am an ethics particle and need to get through my ethics program which I am working on and that I'm not ready to present myself just yet. I swept off the subject without any further comm and went right into telling him about Winter Wonderland. He caught it and took me back to the subject of the 2E which I again told him I wasn't ready to do anything in that area right now and I had to work on my project. I told him my problem that evening was that I had only a limited amount of time to do WW but that I had really wanted to see him too. That the only way I could justify spending time with him was to talk to him about the project. This was a far cry from being totally responsible for the project and I really was trying to then make HIM responsible for what I was doing as opposed to accepting full responsibility myself. I practically went anaten trying to tell him about the project. It ended up not being productive in any way. It created a ridge between us, it did not serve the correct purpose to enlighten about what I was doing on the project, it put me on a withhold, it wasted his time, I made him wrong for not contributing, I ended up with zero donation and another night completely wasted leaving the project at financial risk, the ED-WW in deeper shit with me not raising money.