When I Was A Girl

When I Was A Girl
cluster_user@yale.edu (Dis Bard)
25 Aug 1995 17:05:30 GMT

[To be sung to the tune of "When I Was A Lad" (_H.M.S. Pinafore_).
Check with your attorney to see if the Bill of Rights still applies.]



              When I was a girl Mother taught that Jews
              Had to seek salvation from the Pharaoh's pews.
              The lesson flowed like milk from her tender breast:
              Better to be the oppressor than to be oppressed!

Chorus:       It's better to be the oppressor than to be oppressed!

              I suckled down that lesson so hungrily,
              That now I am the lawyer for the R-T-C!

Chorus:       She suckled down that lesson so hungrily,
              That now she is the lawyer for the R-T-C!

FX:     Boom ,  Boom ,  Boom ,  Boom 


             A copyright's like pornography:
             "I know it when I see it," Cause I'm OT-3.
             I've got all the sacred documents up on my shelf.
            (Now I'm suing over scriptures I can't see myself!)

Chorus:      Now she's suing over scriptures she can't see herself!

             I learned to file lawsuits so blind-i-ly,
             That now I am the lawyer for the R-T-C!

Chorus:      She learned to file lawsuits so blind-i-ly,
             That now she is the lawyer for the R-T-C!

FX:     Boom ,  Boom ,  Boom ,  Boom 


             For a billion years they have got my soul.
             (But *I'm* counting backwards and *I* keep the scroll!)
             They dance for the devil, but I call the tune,
             Till I get a better offer from the Reverend Moon!

Chorus:      [It had better be a doozie Cause she's high-priced poon!]

Woody:       Hey!  That's a persecutin' distortion!  Woody.

             A ho's tricks don't include her lifelong loyalty
             I'll blow when and where I wish, Cause *I'm* the R-T-C!

Chorus:      [That giant sucking sound is genie-liberty.
             You should copyright their exit from the R-T-C!]

FX:          Boom ,  Boom ,  Boom ,  Boom 


             Oh, to trick Fed'ral judges is a live-lie sport.
             That's "lie": like "libel", "lie awake," and "lie in court."
             Fair Game" they're expanding both near and far,
             Like our Fourth Amendment right to search and seize-u-r...

Chorus:      [Please report her methods to the California Bar!]

             ... mistaken; ho's won't take it horrrrizontally:
             I'm due process, and the lawyer for the R-T-C!

Chorus:      [Dial 1-800-843-9053
             To complain about the lawyer for the R-T-C!

             Outside of California, though it's not toll-free,
             Still your dime's for Wollersheim vs. the R-T-C!](*)



* 1-213-765-1200.  Ask for a "complaint package."